Just a rant about my step child’s mum

[Joely881]

My step child’s mum repeatedly pushes boundaries. She seems to have a need to cause conflict or to message continually to be in our lives. We cannot reason with her- she sees only her point of view. Her family life takes priory over our family life.anytning we do in life is interrupted by her like our wedding she messaged constantly whilst away. I am a diplomatic person, I get she feels upset but I find it so hard to accept someone who can’t move on! I just don’t know what to do to move us all on

Do you have direct contact with her? If so let your DH do all of the contact from now on.

I would try and limit contact if possible, only about drop offs and emergencies.

Are the messaging you directly or their ex? Surely communication should be between the parent/ex (unless there's a need otherwise). There's always the option to ignore meaningless texts that aren't relevant. Things are often not much of a problem unless you decide to allow them to be.

Change your numbers and get an email address which she can message and you check at your convenience once a week. Get a pay and go phone which only she has the number for and for emergency only and leave it on silent

It is tricky, I would say if the kids are with you neither of you should be picking up calls from her as they are safe and there are no emergencies. She can text if they need to bring a book or a sport kit from your house when they are returned, no need for contact messaging.

But then BF did that and now the woman is pestering the kids with texts and demands the whole day. She has no boundaries, really.

Don’t try to reason with her. It’s a waste of energy. Business like, need to know replies only. Her thoughts/feelings/wants/needs only matter insofar as making sure your SC is ok. Everything else is just a woman shouting in the middle of an empty forest. If nobody heard it, it didn’t happen and it doesn’t matter.
We have had some fun times with my DSDs mum over the years. Eventually the penny seems to have dropped that we are happy, DSD is cared for and all her nonsense did was create problems for herself. Life is better when everyone plays together nicely. I’m even at the stage of friendly chit chats at handover with a woman I could cheerfully have clawed the face off just a few years ago.

Too many unknowns to give you proper advice