X Box hell

[Xbhell]

NC for this as too much info shared on my usual account.

DSS is almost 15. For about the last 2.8 years his ONLY interest when he comes to us at weekends is XBox.

DH and I have had words as I don’t think it’s healthy. DH is Disney ish but does make sure homework etc is done. It he also likes the opt-out so he can relax.

DSS spends a LOT of time on Fortnite. I make sure I take little DCs out a lot over weekends DSS is here so he can spend 1:1 time with his dad (largely the whole objective of ‘contact’, surely?) We go out at 1030 with DSS on Xbox and we come back four hours later and he’s still on it. DH says ‘he came up for lunch’ as if this was a great feat. I’ve seen this. He literally refuels then goes back down. He and DSS spend no time doing anything together - they sit in separate parts of the house while we are out. What is the point?

Now little DCs are being told no if they want to use the playroom the Xbox is in (which makes me really mad) if DSS is playing in there. Even if he’s been in there for hours already.

On average, DSS spends 6 hours a day on Xbox with us (and DH says same at his mum’s). AIBU to expect DH to make more effort with him and also to turf him out of the room if little DCs want to use it when DSS has been in there for hours on end already?

I KNOW 15 yos spend as much as their free time as they can doing this but how much is too much?

This sounds difficult as teenagers can spend hours on these games unattended, but I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all.
I would be putting a time limit on the Xbox use but get your DH to inforce this as otherwise you will be made out to be the wicked step mother.
Then given the time limit it will by default encourage your partner to spend time with his son so they will hopefully bond more.

Good luck with this one!

Is it a shared playroom? There are no profanity on fortnite so?

Why can’t the little Dcs go in the playroom whilst DSs is on the Xbox? If he is saying no then I would tell him the choice is stay on Xbox and they are in there also or get off Xbox.

I'm pretty relaxed about weekend screen time with my 14yo as long as a) he does his homework, b) he does some active stuff (football, parkrun etc) and c) all screens are off after 9/9.30.

It's out of order for him to tell the little ones they can't come into their playroom though.

Your husband needs to make more of an effort. No point telling your stepson no Xbox unless there's something else for him to do. Seems this concerns you more than your partner though.

Yeah as others have said, if he's going to be on the xbox he needs to either do it with the little ones in there as well or have the xbox in his bedroom. It's very clearly not fair the way things are.

It's hardly hell OP, it's what teenagers do.

Certainly, he shouldn't be allowed to keep the other DCs out of the shared space so he needs to play something age-appropriate (my DS doesn't play fortnite so don't know if it is, but I don't think there's swearing on it?)

And certainly DH should and could be doing more actually 'with' his son when he comes for contact. But that amount of X box on the weekend is perfectly normal. Wait till your little ones grow up...

The thing is that a lot of teens don't interact very much with the parents they live with. It's unrealistic to expect things to be different between your DSS and his dad just because they don't live together all the time. I agree with you that there should be some reasonable limits on screen time, but I think that trying to force 'contact' time on them may not work.

Mine plays xbox a lot when he's in the house but he and DH do at least one activity each day that involves leaving the house and being active so it's not as bad. Also the kids play around him while he's on it, get in the way/push the buttons etc and he's lovely with them.

I don't think little dc should be excluded from the room and I think your DH needs to take him out even if it's just for a coffee or something.

Why isn’t your DH doing anything with his DS, surely they can go out for brunch, watch a match, go swimming/shopping/cinema whatever. I would be appalled if my DH spent so little time with his DS, we have a DS & DH would always find something to do at weekends, even though he was home most nights anyway, I don’t think I could respect anyone who didn’t find something to do with their own child when they spend so little time with them.

Is your home close to his other home? I just wondered if he had any friends close by.

DS spends a lot of time in the Xbox as most of his teenage friends. But his addiction to Xbox doesn’t trump the needs or wishes of the family, we take turns so we can all enjoy the living room.

My BFs teen on the other hand... don’t you dare to suggest he should detach himself from the Xbox to allow his sister or father to use the TV. He would shout, hit, and kick because he always comes first. Are you planing a day out or a holiday? Stuff it, he will ruin it for absolutely everyone because he would prefer to be by the screen.

I think it is horrendous but in a way not surprised BF and his ex let him get away with murder.

Being the practical person, I would suggest to stop trying to change the unfixable (this is NOT on your hands or remit) and get a second tv.

When they play videogames they also communicate with friends through it, what could be more interesting than that? Myself, I fight with my own son everyday to make him get off after 1.5 - 2 hours, but like others said, he should have something else to do. These games are addictive and even when you offer activities, it's very hard to make them interested in them. When you fight about it, it doesn't make things better. Try to find something interesting to do when he's off the Xbox, but you won't prevent him from playing other times.
I think other than the little kids being able to use the common room, it shouldn't be your concern.
And....My older SS who are 19 and 17 used to play videogames a lot, they almost don't do it anymore, they are into girls, work, friends, studies, their new dog, etc.

Thanks for all the responses.

DH has talked with him several times about what they could do together. DSS has zero interest in anything else and actually became tearful when DH suggested something recently, which I think can’t be a good sign.

I have no problem with anyone playing computer games in their free time but six or more hours a day just seems really unhealthy. So I guess the real challenge is how to reduce this. However, no one else seems bothered.

It is an addiction, unfortunately very common. But as long as he is making time to meet with friends, have hobbies/do sport it is well balanced.

If he doesn’t do anything at all but being in the Xbox at all hours, you have a problem.

Have the same issue with ss when he comes to visit. He’s nearly 10 and comes to stay with us every other weekend plus holidays. He will get up in the morning say about 7.30 and literally spend the whole day on his iPad, he’s absolutely obsessed with it, it’s so unhealthy he only comes off it to eat or if we go out and he doesn’t interact much with us while he’s here. I blame his dad for allowing it but sadly I think it’s very common nowadays for kids to do this.

Unless your DSS is interested in something else more active, like football or other sports for example then you may have to accept that this is increasingly normal for boys of his age. As you are not his mum, you trying to push him into other things might cause resentment. You could suggest things to your husband but that’s all. With your own children it’s different but you might have to let this one go, regardless of how you feel.