SDS spoilt, ignore me and just plain rude

[Frustratedmuch]

Hi, first post - be gentle...
So I got married Oct just gone, DH has two daughters (8&5) I have one son (7)
Started off ok, however DH ex is crazy, I had to call the police as she was messaging me saying my DH was up to stuff and I needed to know (she had an affair) they split up 6/7 months before we met. She would message me at work, contacted my family asking questions about me, contacted my ex asking questions about my son - which I find very disturbing, her parents even said she needed psychiatric help (their words, not mine) she'd message me saying he'd taken me to the hotel they'd got married at (he hadn't) message me saying your mum disowned me (she didn't) message me saying how I was in her home (it wasn't hers, was his) I've seen messages she's sent my Dh about me slagging me off, telling him to control me etc... total poisonous jealous ex.
Anyway, His ex dictates when we have them, how often etc, what they wear, where they get dropped off, packs their suitcases for our holidays, my OH in my opinion just babysits them. He won't disciple them, scared to say no to them in case it upsets them. He has health worries about the youngest but refuses to do anything as said he doesn't know who their doctor is (pathetic excuse)
It's got to point where the SDs don't even acknowledge me in my home, ignore me, don't say hello, because I'm the one who tells them no and actually tries to discipline them.

They've moved into my home with my son who struggles with them as they're very spoilt and bratty (DH ex is very well off as she remarried into money) so SDs are very very spoilt. Their mother is poisonous and she's turned them against me, my Dh is too shit scared to say anything to her in case it rocks the boat (she frequently withholds them until he does what she says)
My Dh knows how I feel on the issues and I've tried to address many times over the years, but it's got to the point I've give up. I take my son out when they come round and I do things with him which is great but I don't feel I should have to.
Got to the point where I don't know what to do now ref the not speaking to me situation, have sat them down together with their dad and explained how it's upsetting me, and shouldn't be like this, but it works for a few days then goes back to how it was. Need some advice please! :(

Your partner sounds horrendous. Do yourself and your son a favour and leave

I think that there is not much more than you, yourself can do, apart of continue to avoid them.

For things to change, he needs to change, but if he doesn’t want to, I guess it is matter of ignoring them or leave him. Don’t do anything for them, let their dad deal with them.

We're married but I feel like a single mum to my son, and that's not what I thought would happen.
He's not going to change, if I raise the issue he freezes and just stares blankly at me silently. I feel like I'm the only parent in this house and it's frustrating me.
He keeps mentioning moving, but I'm refusing as I'm not spending a massive amount of money in two very ungrateful brats. I want to go on holiday this year, but he refuses unless we all go. At this rate I'll be going with my son ( which isn't a problem) on my own. Is this they way step parenting is? I've read few threads and appears step kids are in small minority I hope horrible to step parents?
Is this the way blended families live?

Ffs @Frustratedmuch life is too short - leave!!! He’s a wet. Please please go xxx

You were naive to think getting married would change things.
Do your ds and you a favour and end things before you both end up miserable. He clearly has no regard for a happy ever after op.

Your step children are only a small part of the problem. Your issues is your DH, his lack of boundaries with the ex, whose tune he is still dancing too and his lack of parenting. Unless your DH commits to change you’re going to wind up miserable. It’s not a very healthy environment for your son either.

No no, it was hard before we got married, I think deep down I've just accepted they're rude and ignore me. When it's just me and husband it's great. But he changes when they're here, he doesn't parent them, just minds them till they go back.

How did you think marriage would change anything when you yourself describe your husband thus, "he freezes and just stares blankly at me silently"; and his Ex as "crazy"; and his children as "brats"?

Did you not think before marrying that it was all - frankly - a bit doomed?

I do feel sorry for you. But really it isn't sustainable as a marriage and blended family situation.

Those two girls are just reflecting back the unpleasantness and confusion of the situation they've been placed in. Spoiled sounds like a very simplistic description when they have all that going on, they're probably traumatised, insecure and resentful. Brats is a downright unkind description.

Still, you're not unreasonable to find it all too much to deal with. Leave with your son now, he will get much better lesson on healthy family dynamics without the example from step-dad and stepsisters.

Your ds will seriously resent you if you stay.

I feel for you.
I think you got the only possible attitude: distance yourself.
You can do something nice with your son and leave those girls with their dad. End of the day its his choice how he is managing his children.
You are correct saying that you can not parent those girls. You are not their parent and they are only looking for any reason for fight.
Focus your energy for days when you three are together and live for those happy days.
Some people have horrible mother-in -laws who are making their lives living hell, some have ex-partners who live to make you miserable. We all have our monsters in the back yard.

I am struggling with my partners ex and her attempts to turn their child against me. Children are coping their parents attitude. Yet she did not succeed with the first year but I know she will eventually because dads are frightened to loose their access to children and don't want to set boundaries or get the court involved. Your DH isn't an exception here. I am preparing myself mentally for that day when my life will be like yours now. I will follow the scenario I offered to you.
Hugs from me. Its dough life we put ourselves into.

Why on earth did you marry this loser? why on gods fucking earth did you allow him to move in to your home?!

You won't change him. you sure as hell won't have any impact on his DC if HE won't parent them.

YOU - yes YOU have made a HUGE mistake that is hurting your own son. You are damaging his childhood because you chose to close your eyes and hope for the best when all the evidence was there, blindingly obvious, that it would only end up exactly as it is. You could end up with a son who resents you for what you have done and you lose him as soon as he can get the fuck out of Dodge. Think on. This non-parenting parent isn't worth this!

First things first, your OH needs to move out again, you need to restore a decent home for yourself and your child. Your H can work out how to parent his kids, but you and yours doesn't need to be damaged in the process.

My OH dc is poisoned by the mother, but the difference is that my OH won't tolerate the crap either and has made it clear, manners/normality and respect or you can stay put where you are with your mother, and that suits us fine. they will learn eventually and in the meantime we get to live without the stress, drama and foul behaviour.

Your poor son.