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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Child maintenance

13 replies

Bonniegirl435 · 12/12/2019 13:33

Could anyone please advise if they know.
Dh has 2 children, dsd 15 lives with us since her mum threw her out over a year ago, no problems with that, love her to bits.
Dss 13 lives with mum, stays eow fri to sun nite but is at our house from 3.30 till bedtime 4/5 days a weeks (his choice) so eats all meals with us.
Dh pays 900 a month maintenance to his ex for both kids even though she only has one and hes never there.
He pays for uniforms, phones, all clothing/trainers and trips.
He hasnt reduced maitenance (even to calculated rate 525) as she constantly threatens to stop him seeing his son, so he doesnt want to rock the boat.
He doesnt claim maitenance for dsd off her.

We have had one hell of a few months her treatment of dsd is disgusting, abusive calls and messages, neglect of dss.
Dss loves being with us and is always very relucant to leave, he knows hes welcome here anytime but is very loyal so to spk, to mum.
He has autism so his mums home and his room, his life there, is his routine.

So to issue now.

My ds has a while back been diognosed with a terminal illness, iv had to give up work so we are now living on dh wage and disability money for ds.
We want to change the maintenance payment , is it possible to to make it nil (she has 1 child, we have the other) if she doesnt work (doesnt have to, has high earning husband)

Thanks x

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 12/12/2019 13:39

Go through the CMS - explain your situation fully and they will calculate.

My OH’s EW is an abusive bully and my OH has had to do this. She did stop contact and he had to go to a solicitor and apply to the court for the breach.

Fifipopopo · 12/12/2019 14:09

So so sorry about your DS.

stuffedpeppers · 12/12/2019 14:25

Really sorry to hear that.

Def use the CMS it will get reduced but i doubt zero, as he sleeps at her place and that is the key to it all - how many overnights

ColaFreezePop · 12/12/2019 14:37

Use the CMS and only pay for one child.

As your DSS lives with you any tricks from their mother over reducing contact with DSS means your DH should go down the mediation and court route. DSS needs to maintain relationships with both his father and sister, and being 13 his views can be taken into consideration by the court.

lunar1 · 12/12/2019 18:27

Use the CMS, he will probably still have to pay something as there is a big income disparity, but nowhere near that much.

I'm so sorry about your child, I can't imagine what you are going through.

sue51 · 12/12/2019 18:45

I'm so sorry that your situation is being made even more upsetting by this woman's actions. I also think you should contact cms to have maintenance properly assessed.

Sotiredofthislife · 12/12/2019 19:21

Open two cases with the CMS - one for the child living with you and one for the child living with the 4x. It used to be the case that they sometimes could be persuaded to offset one parent’s liability against the other. I would make enquiries as to whether this is possible, particularly given your situation. I am sorry to hear about your son and wish you all the best.

MrsOaf · 12/12/2019 19:25

I'm so sorry to hear about your ds Sad

You can calculate maintenance through css online and get an idea of what they will recommend but as you have 1 of the dc full time and the other part time you should only be paying for the overnights that the younger dc is at his mums and she should be paying you for the older one.

Frankola · 12/12/2019 19:34

Go through CMS and then she cannot argue the amount

Techway · 15/12/2019 13:27

I am so sorry to hear about your Ds.

Do you know how the money was calculated? If CMS calculation or a consent order? It seems high for 2 children, unless your DH is very high earning so suspect it could include spousal maintenance.

If it was agreed in a consent order then it depends on the terms outlined there but generally it will need a court to alter it but your dsd living with you would trigger the change.

If it was informal and via CMS then you can apply to CMS.

Original poster
Bonniegirl435 · 17/12/2019 19:22

Thank you all for the advice and well wishes its much appreciated.
Cms rate he should be paying is 525 but because we was both working and earning well dh topped up to 900, basically another 100 a week.

Dh is away till thurs eve but said he will definatly phone cms friday, see what they say.

Its not that he wants to be nasty/spiteful its more that shes now taking the piss and we now cant afford it.
Dsd never visits her, hasnt seen her in 6 months and although dss only stays every other week he is here 90% of the nights inbetween till basically bed time.
Eats dinners here, does homework whist devouring everything in the snack cupboard Grin has a shower, i usually give him clean ironed uniform for the nxt day, dh drops him home around 9pm.
So we do all the care and he sleeps at home.

Thank you again for all the replys, a few made me tear up (rather over emotional these days)
I look forward to friday x

OP posts:
OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 18/12/2019 10:07

She should pay % of maintenance for the nights his dd is with him.

Your dh should pay the % of maintenance for the nights his ds is with his mum.

I hope it gets sorted fairly, your dh sounds very caring Flowers

Stegosaurus1990 · 19/12/2019 16:19

Agree with pp-open two cases, one for each child.

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