My daughter is causing a breakdown

[gemalou04]

Hi need help,
I have a 14yr old daughter and a 7yr old daughter, my 14yr old was from a previous relationship my husband has been raising her since she was 4years old, I've always had problems with her from a young age, I've gone to the doctors, shes had councilling sessions, her behaviour at home is really bad everyday she never listens to us she goes to a school where ipads are the answer to their learning, she really lacks in social skills she doesn't mix with her friends outside of school, she argues with her sister and says that I love her little sister more than I love her, she's rude and has no empathy for any of her actions,I ask her to do things and she moans she moans alot to herself out loud talking to herself, we just don't know what to do she is making our home very unhappy.

Hi has she been diagnosed with anything. Sounds like you need more support on how to handle her behaviour. Maybe talking to her to find out if shes unhappy would uncover some reasons for her behaviour? Does she attend a mainstream school?

We have both tried talking to her but we just can't get through to her hence why she had counciling sessions, yes she goes to a mainstream school, she's such a fiery person and she's followed me round the house arguing with me,if I ask her to stop arguing with me and I don't want to talk she just gets more irate.

Maybe it would be helpful if you will see a counselor who can help you to find better ways to communicate?
If she is more challenging than average, you need better skills than average person does.

she's followed me round the house arguing with me,if I ask her to stop arguing with me and I don't want to talk she just gets more irate.
^ because she wants your attention.

She sounds terribly unhappy. I know that more positive 1:1 time together will not fix everything overnight but do strongly believe it will help.

her behaviour at home is really bad everyday she never listens to us

What is bad about her behaviour? You have only put down one thing that she follows you around the house arguing as she wants to talk to you as negative attention is still attention.

What activity does she do outside school that is sociable? Does she do sport? Does she do dancing classes? Does she do guides/scouts?

When do you and your partner spend one-to-one time with both girls separately? Even doing mundane things with only one of them e.g. the supermarket shop is one-to-one time and the fact that the attention isn't on them makes it easier to talk.