Defining relationship partners son and I have

[RuffFlamingo]

So, new here and new to all of this. I need a bit of advice. My partner and I both had marriage break ups at the beginning of the year, not due to us being together I may add. We moved in together as friends to help share the bills and give us each a way to save for getting through legal fees quicker than we would separately. My partner has a son,7, and a step daughter,14, who would come round to the house regularly. The step daughter started to distance herself, but the issue isn't there. Thats a different ballgame completely. When we decided to get together as a couple due to growing closer, it was kind of strange as I had already met his children and had built a foundation of a relationship with them. 6 months on, I have taken things at the sons pace regarding building the relationship, gained trust and respect from him and we have an extremely positive relationship. However, lately he has started asking questions. Yesterday he asked if I was a mum. To which I replied no. Then he asked when I would be a mum, much to my partners hilarity who nearly spat his coffee out. But we moved on from this. Today he asked me why I am not a mum. Obviously responded because I haven't had children. Then he asked what a mum is called if they haven't had children. My partner and I have thought that he is trying to work our the dynamic of our side of the family. But have no idea how to even go about it. Because he was already familiar with me, we had a chat when we got together about how we loved each other and they would maybe see us hugging etc. But now I feel the son is looking for a label in how to describe me to others. He's with us 2/3 nights a week so is around alot. Someone must have had a bit of experience that they can share with me please!

I think ‘Daddy’s girlfriend’ might be the only appropriate label at this stage.

Can you ask him how what he wants to call you?

He's probably trying to figure out how you fit into his world. At 7 his world likely consists of children and mums and dads (and maybe grandparents) He may not know many adults who aren't parents. Are you a similar age to his dad? It might help to tell him how old you are, and explain that not all grown ups have children at the same age, and some don't ever have children. That may sound obvious but it possibly isn't to a 7 year old. I don't think he's asking whether you're a mum to him - that may not even have crossed his mind.

7 year olds can have some odd ideas. I split from my ex when DS was 4, but he was about 7 when he asked if I would have any more babies, and seemed to think if I did they would be with his dad. DSS meanwhile was older than that before realising the man his mum shared a bed with was her BF and not a "family friend" (which he had been originally)!

My partner has a child who calls me "dads friend and my friend too" as well as "our friend". He is happy wit the fact that dads friend lives with his dad and cuddles up with his dad. He is cuddling up with me or with us too and there isn't any awkwardness at all.
For a 5-6 years old child "dads good friend" is understandable.

The idea that you can ask his son how he would like to label you is also a very good idea. I would go with that tho.

Poor kids, they must be still reeling from the break up of their family and now the lad is worrying about what to call you. Are you both even divorced yet? I agree that "dad's girlfriend" will suffice for now.

I am 'daddy's girlfriend' to my partner's children who are around the same age. However, they refer to my children as their step-brother etc. I am happy with that, I don't want to be step-mum. I don't feel like I fit into that role.

@DtPeabodysLoosePants wind your neck in

OP one of my nephews' around that age was confused by the fact he had all these adult aunts and uncles but they didn't have children. It took him until just before then to work out I was his dad's sister which is why I was his aunt. There is a large age gap between myself and his father.

Oh and once that nephew realised that his mum meant what she said when she wasn't going to give him any more brothers or sisters, he started asking us for baby cousins. He's had to wait over a decade though.

Btw My partner's DC call me by my name. I am their dad's partner and their sibling/half-sibling's mother.