Not coping and Dsc make this worse

[Spanglyprincess1]

Start off this isn't their fault or dp or exw fault at all.
I have pnd and undergoing treatment still for this. I get very anxious at the moment and am struggling. I find my ds a handful he's hit the terrible twos early and is a non sleeper and non napper, even the childminder can't get him to sleep. Dp is very helpful and has him a lot overnight-he's a night owl so I do early evenings and then mornings and he does the owl shift.
Today ds has bitten, hit me, pulled hair and generally screamed if not got his way. I love him and we're doing kind hands etc but it's all saved up for me not dp or Dsc.
When the Dsc are here and we are all together I find it too much, ds rages as can't do what the big ones do and we don't do toddler suitable activities.
I'm dreading the Dsc coming, not because of them as they are lovely kids, but because it makes ds routines go up in the air and he sleeps even worse etc.
I know big families cope with this but I'm desperately struggling at the moment.
Any advice on toddlers with older Dsc eg activities or keeping routines?

I have one toddler and one older DSC. Things we enjoy together include- swimming , parks - do they all have scooters/skateboards/bikes?

They do at their mom's but the middle ones moans like a drain if we do parks unless football. I love swimming but dp youngest can't swim and he hates swimming. I can't take the four of them alone as I'm too worried about having a toddler and an older one who can't swim.
They do water polo and floats near us for kids which are ace but id need dp in with me and he won't.

For the moment I would just send dp out with DSc to do what they want and you entertain your ds.

In a non-blended family, one parent would take out the older kids and the other would take out the younger ones.

In a non-blended family, one parent would take out the older kids and the other would take out the younger ones.

^^ That with bells on.

It also help to ask yourself the question, if this was not going a blended family situation how would I deal with this?

Sorry, “ if I were not in a blended family situation, how would I deal with this?”

No idea as I. Don't have older kids and have never been really around kids pre this relationship and having ds. Big learning curve.
The older 3 are hard ages to do stuff today 12, 9 and 8 and don't like the same stuff.
The older ones are fabulous with ds and they are great siblings.
I've done national trust and zoos as they are in many ways easiest for us. But as ds is getting more mobile I'm struggling more

Yes I meant to add! Don’t feel you have to go out with all of them, all the time . Divide and conquer! This would happen in Non blended families. It will also be nice for DSC to spend time with dad alone.

You've got a DP problem. They're all his kids. Only 2 of them are yours. Stop looking after them all solo. If he can't cope tough shit, he decided to have 4 kids!

If I didn't take them out they would do nothing but lay on tech all day
I don't do it often on my own but finding suitable activities and not disturbing ds routine is a nightmare with older ones. With older siblings who are there full time the excitement and routine change isn't an issue I assume unlike with Dsc here 1 day a week eow and half school hols.