I will try not to drip feed but too much info might make this a long tedious read. I feel like I just want out of this marriage but he says I have no resilience and I am 'not right in the head'.
We are married 3 years, both have 2 dc under 12 but no kids together, and only mine live with us. My dh suffers from depression which wasn't helped by being hundreds of miles away from his kids and us really not having any money for him to visit them very much so we moved nearer. It was not an amicable split with him and his ex, he had to stay where he was because of their older adult child who was very mentally ill and suicidal, and really regrets allowing her to leave with the kids in the first place as he was the main carer, but he felt really paralysed knowing that all his kids needed him but the older one more so. His ex made him choose between the older or younger ones and it was an impossible choice. He became ill himself and was given prozac.
The decision to move was joint as I also wanted to move away because I needed to put distance between me and my dc and my abusive ex. He doesn't pay for the dc and said eventually in court after years of wrangling that he wants no further involvement. I had had threats around abduction and the usual abusive crap. He had supervised contact only then said he wouldn't be back.
I'm not the OW in any way and we met months after his ex w moved, but she describes me as the OW and the kids are 'not allowed' to like me or like coming to our house. This obviously makes things strained and I haven't been able to really get to know them as they just rebuff me. They are quite sullen and they prefer to see their dad without me, which they do several times a week.
I am struggling living in the new area, it's rural with a skeleton very expensive bus service which I can't afford to use much and I don't drive. There is literally nothing in the village except the school and a church and we moved here because we got social housing otherwise we could not have afforded it. We are financially much worse off living here as cost of living is higher. I was also moved from Tax Credits to Universal Credit and the amount is much less. My DH was working but has been signed off sick and has been off for months now. I have been looking for work and had been unsuccessful until now, I've been offered a temp job in the town, thank goodness.
I know that my dh is dealing with depression but I find his moods hard to deal with, he's often grumpy and rude and my DC are a bit reluctant to be left alone with him because of this. I was a single mum for years so this is partly why they always want me but this is bothering me.
He parents very differently to me so there is a difference in the things the DSC are allowed to do from mine eg manners, lax about handwashing, later bedtimes and this disrupts my youngest's sleep as there are always tears and tantrums when I try to enforce earlier bedtimes for her as she sees it as unfair. She struggles an awful lot with her behaviour if she gets over tired so this really can make me anxious as it builds up and she becomes impossible. My dsc don't like her and her behaviour doesn't help that.
The dsc are now here for half term and we have a tiny 2 bed terrace house so this means they don't have proper beds and this bothers me but we have no money to move and my dcs are really settled in the school so I feel a bit torn about moving them again . The dsc are ok about not having beds and treat it like camping or an adventure but it's very claustrophobic for everyone.
I had braced myself to cope for 6 days only for my DH to say it's for 9 days and that he told me it was this long. He didn't. He was told by the exw that she's going away and he had to have them til Monday eve and he didn't challenge her. Fair enough he wants to have his kids here but if I'd known we'd have 9 days together I'd have tried to go away for part of it as my parents would pay for our train tickets to theirs.
We have little to no money to take them out and our car can't fit all of us to go anywhere. If we spend any money recreationally this week we won't be able to pay our council tax bill. I just think we made a massive mistake thinking we could move and make this work. I was stupid and naive.
My dh and I are good when we get on but it never seems to last very long and yesterday he chased after me up the street and shouted and swore at me because I had taken his keys. He was going to collect his dc. My dc started crying and I was mortified that he'd done that in the street. He apologised but I just thought big deal, you''ll probably do it again.
I haven't really been speaking to him much today, just being civil, but then he started being goady and laughing at me and gaslighting that he'd told me they were coming for 9 days and I lost it, and I ended up hitting him. The dcs didn't know, NOT that that makes it ok.
I know I am the hideous one now and have booked to take my two back home. I can't afford it, I called my parents, but we can't all stay cooped up for 9 days in this village with no respite and I need away from him.
My dh is saying I'm mad and unreasonable and his dc will think I don't like them. I just need to get away and I explained that to them, that it's not down to them and that my dc just want to see their gps and friends. I am perimenopausal also I think, and saw the doctor last week.
Am I really mad? I do feel like just leaving him as things have built up. I expected him to want me to go after all that has happened but he's messaged me saying don't go.
I am clearly not cut out for any of this.
I am sorry for rambling on, not sure what any of you can really do or say but I needed to tell someone, noone I can talk to in RL.