Step-child & bump/baby bonding - gender disappointment

[Alpine79]

I’m currently 24wks pregnant & have a 6yr old step-daughter who lives with us 50% of the time. I’ve known her since she was 3yrs old and think we have a good & close relationship. She’s been desperate for a sibling and was over the moon when we told her I was expecting. However, she wanted a girl and it’s a boy. She had been regularly hugging, kissing & singing to the bump but since finding out it’s a boy she’s not been near it and even pushed my partner’s hand off of it the other day. We’ve tried reassuring her with lots of positives about boys, asking for her help with picking things and making a fuss of her so she doesn’t feel left out. It’s been a month now with no real change and with hormones to contend with I can’t help but feel sad & that she’s rejected him. I try my hardest to rationalize that she is a 6yr old and will hopefully love him when he arrives. Does anyone have any tips on trying to help her with the disappointment of it being a boy and to try and help re-build/build her bond with the bump and the baby when he arrives? Thanks

Honestly I’m sure she will get over it when she sees an actual baby in front of her. At the moment it’s difficult for her to picture how nice a baby brother will because you’re still pregnant. She will come round!

And she might pull her face at first when she sees the baby, but she will soon get bored of putting on the act. I’d just keep bugging up how nice a baby brother will be/is.

*bigging

I was recently pregnant with DC3
DS who's 5 desperately wanted a brother. DC2 is a girl so he was over that.
When he found out I was pregnant he was convinced it was a boy. It had to be a boy and every time we tried to calm his determination and say it could be a girl he'd say it could also be a boy. He would even get upset about people saying they thought it was a girl. Said he'd hate a girl. He wouldn't talk to her. I even got worried about what would happen when he came to visit if she was a girl. We didn't find out until delivery.

She was a girl and she is the love of his life. The moment he burst through the door after I had her he demanded to hold her. And 3 months later he's still besotted.

I did ask him if he was OK that he'd never have a brother and he just said that he was our number 1 boy.

I'm sure when your baby arrives she will just be so excited to help and be apart of everything.

Does she have any friends with baby brothers? She might feel happier if someone with a younger brother told her some stories about what it's like to have one.
She might be comparing her brother with the boys in her class and have assumptions like he'll be born liking football and Star Wars and not want to play games that she likes.

Dsis wanted a brother when DM was expecting me. She was terribly disappointed when I was born, but I don't remember any of this.

She blamed my DM who she says should have made it clear the baby could be a boy or a girl.

We're very close and always have been, but do watch her around the baby when he's born, as Dsis put something in my mouth that was dangerous because I wasn't a boy. She was 3 years old at the time though.

Does she like dolls? Could you get her a realistic looking baby 'girl' doll and do things like going shopping for baby things for your babies together. Pick out some clothes for your baby and let her get something in a tiny size for 'hers'.

If she has images of girly things in her head then maybe choosing a change mat (for instance) in colours/pattern that she likes (even if pink and flowery) would be fine wouldn't in? And it could be for you both to share. Six year olds can be all about the awful stereotypes of girls = frilly, sparkly, fun, pink, and boys = rude and boring. I'd say let her have a bit of what she was hoping for and it might be an easier transition for her!

Thanks everyone - I’ve told her she can dress him up still and tried saying about friends with baby brothers. We have a dog that’s male whom she loves so have even tried using him as an example! I’m sure will come round when he arrives - she has a baby Annabel so I might try and use that too. She has a lot of friends that are boys but it is a very girly girl and just can’t get over the disappointment

She will come round as soon as the baby arrives.
Don’t let this ruin your enjoyment and excitement about the pregnancy.

The “Little Princess” book “I want a sister!” Is about this, and the line at the end when disappointingly a brother is brought home is “But we already have a perfect little girl - you!” I’m sure there are other books about it too. May help to contextualise it?

Brilliant thank you! Will give this a go