Step parent or biological parents?

[Clilanne09]

Hi so sorry for long post but it’s my first one I’m looking for opinions and advice.

Me and my ex had a daughter together she is only just 10 years old.
He is married with two other children 5 and 2.
He has contact with my daughter from Friday school pick up to Monday he drops her to school - every other weekend.
My daughter went to his on Saturday as her birthday was on Friday and she had a party.
Fast forward to Monday evening. I picked my daughter up from school and the after school club informed me that she had attended breakfast club at 08:10 and I would be charged - she doesn’t usually have breakfast club.
I discussed with dad, he told me he and his wife dropped my daughter off at school 35 minutes early and drove off to take their other child to school.
My daughter told me it was only when they drove off that she checked the time and realised she was early and she panicked so went to the breakfast club, she said she was scared and didn’t know what to do.
Later that evening she told me they done nothing special for her birthday, just ordered pizza Saturday night. She received for her birthday a knock off smart watch from eBay that she isn’t allowed to wear at school.
Daughter told me that night that that weekend dads wife had bought her clothes from a charity shop, while bought her sister a brand new coat from Asda. Daughter told me dads wife packed their lunch for school and gave my daughter a bagel and an orange while gave her own daughter bagel, orange, biscuits, and strawberries.

Now I understand it should be her dad doing things for her but historically the wife takes over everything and there have been issues similar to this before but he sticks up for her and she cries and says she tries her best.

Simply put I don’t think this is fair treatment of my daughter, she has come home and told me his wife makes her feel left out and she doesn’t want to see either of them again.

[Longlongsummer]

@Witchydearest I think that it’s just way too easy to blame the man’s new GF. It makes people look better than they are, especially if Mum and Dad have been lazy enough to make the SM do much of the parenting!

[hsegfiugseskufh]

Whats that supposed to mean @Sotiredofthislife

[Witchydearest]

@holiday something negative I’m sure

[funinthesun19]

Wow. And you wonder why there are problems? Really?

You’re going to have to elaborate on that one because nobody knows what you’re going on about.

[Teenangels]

@Sotiredofthislife
The double standards in your posts are absolutely amazing.
I wonder how you would feel if someone told you what rules you could have in your home.

[Witchydearest]

@Teenangels - flying your flag 👍 . Sotired is a mood hoover! She sucks positivity from every thread.

[punnetofgrapes]

1 x DS 2 x DSS - I am scrupulously fair with all kids (been in DSS lives for 14 years) If I ever bought for one I bought for all. They were fed equally (lived with us EOW) and none ever felt left out.

I am sure at times they have criticised me to their mum, its natural, but despite her many bad points we have never disagreed on the kids they were always the priority.

[Sotiredofthislife]

I wonder how you would feel if someone told you what rules you could have in your home

???? Where did I say I expect to dictate the rules in someone else’s home?

[funinthesun19]

Yeah but you seem to think it’s ok for the op to stick her beak in where it’s probably not wanted by her child’s SM. If the SM wants to buy a new coat for her child then it’s none of the op’s bloody business. Would you like someone thinking they can dictate to you what money you spend on your children and what you don’t? I doubt it.

[Sotiredofthislife]

Again, that’s your thinking and not something I have actually said.

[Frankola]

The way I see this -

1 - the birthday stuff...you have no idea of their financial situation. Just because you paid for a party etc does not mean they should. And you have no idea of they could afford one. Theyve likely done what they can afford and you are teaching your child to be very ungrateful.

2 - the "they don't feed me the same", "they buy me charity clothes" etc is very likely your daughter feeling sour grapes from her perceived poor treatment on her birthday. You have no idea if this is true. She is 10 years old. Also, you complain that wife's dd got a new coat from asda and your dd apparently got charity shop stuff,but what if they both got £30 spent on them for example? It's the same money, just spent in different ways.

3 - you seem to be taking aim at the wife but in all honesty she seems to be doing most of the work. And quite frankly it's not her responsibility to. It's your ex's.

4 - you complain about her going to breakfast club but you then say they went off to take his other child to school. What is your issue here? His other child needs to go to school too! Are you suggesting they took your child to school but took their own child in late or not at all?

This doesnt seem to be them so much as you having a chip on your shoulder. Which it also looks like you are passing to your daughter. Maybe think about that.