Youngest stepson lives in a gaming bubble

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

He's 12....a young 12. Basically does nothing but game or spend time on his phone. I know this is normal-ish at this age but I feel like his dad is not being strict enough with him. This morning he made his dad and brother late as he'd sat on his phone in his room (fully dressed and ready) but had 'forgotten' to have breakfast til the last minute when everyone was ready to leave. DH explodes and tells him to go get his breakfast as he's making him late for work etc etc...if I'm honest I would've made him leave the house without his breakfast to teach him a lesson. Is that harsh? Also he then forgot his lunch (still sitting there in the fridge) as his head is permanently in the clouds.

At his mum's house everything is done for him and he is treated like a baby, not expected to remember anything or help out around the house. I feel like this is not teaching him good life lessons. Am I wrong?

Not commenting on the complexities of blended families here, but certainly the "learned helplessness" of children like this will not be helpful for their future lives. I too would have said no breakfast: at 12 (assuming no SEN/ developmental issues) they should be able to take responsibility for this and learn from the experience if they don't.

No you are not being unreasonable, he is way behind the curve for his age due to laziness or learned helplessness, whichever word you use it amounts to the same thing. I think you’re right, we only learn by our mistakes and running in and saving someone from making them, doesn’t allow them to learn for themselves.

For an easier life, I would stand back and allow his father to handle it. It’ll get sorted one way or another.

But, seeing what technology can do these days I do think both of you are missing a trick here. He is on his phone and his phone has a few alert systems pre-installed such as calendar alerts and alarms clocks on it, so why not take 5minutes to set alerts/alarms on his phone to remind him to ‘grab lunch bag’ and ‘eat breakfast’ on it? Then both you and DH won’t have to nag or stress every morning as there will be no excuses as to why he forgot.

Yeah, all mum’s fault he didn’t eat breakfast.

@sotiredofthislife I didn't say it was all mum's fault he didn't eat breakfast (and he did, anyway). I just feel that both of his parents (ie not me) need to be teaching him to fend for himself more, and that's not currently happening. It's frustrating as I deal with things differently with my own daughter, but you sometimes have to bite your tongue as a stepmum. If I were driving him to school and he was going to make me late I would be bundling him up into the car hungry if it was his fault for procrastinating.Thank Christ I don't do the school run!

Good tip re the phone alerts @TwentyEight12, thanks.

Not harsh. He's nearly a teen, needs to grow up and take responsibility from his own actions (or lack of I guess).

Part of me thinks DH needs to be more consistent, and stricter to a certain extent, so SS tries harder to be more organised and another thinks I'm sure he'll figure it out once his Boss starts asking why he's constantly late every other time he stays lol anyway you sound like you have his best interests at heart in actually being bothered :) it will be worth it.

Erm no because I'm not his parent?! But I'm pretty sure you're being sarcastic.

Yes definiately the BMs fault. 🤫

Just a joke 🤗