Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Advice

5 replies

bexth · 17/09/2019 18:06

Not really the right topic but didn't know where to write.
My partner has son aged 10, him and ex wife have been divorced for 3 years now.
We don't live together but I have met his son. He has him three days a week and they split costs of everything he needs like school uniform etc.
Since he told his ex wife he was in a new relationship she's been off with him. Since I've met his son she's decided she doesn't want his dad to have him as much.
She said he needs to agree to one weekend every two weeks, he is still having his son the three days at the moment but she could change that whenever she wants really.
There's no formal agreement/anything from court to say when they each have him and he doesn't pay any child maintenance as if she needs money for holidays, school trips, new uniform etc she just asks as they have remained on good terms.
However now I'm in the picture she is demanding he pays child maintenance and claims he doesn't spend any money on his son and does nothing with him (obviously untrue).
Unsure of what to do, my partner wants his son three days a week (has been asking for an additional day every fortnight but she won't agree) as usual and is worried she will stop him from seeing him as much/ at all. What can we do?

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 17/09/2019 20:16

IMO he should formalise maintainer - go to the CMS & agree the amount & make sure the payment is traceable.

Sounds like w needs to formalise maintenance if after all this time she has decided to stop contact and use the child as a weapon.

First step is to try mediation.

If that doesn’t work he can take it to court. He can apply for a fee of £215 & represent himself.

The mother will have to explain to a judge why after 3 years it’s in the child’s best interests to reduce contact from 3 days a week to 2 days every 2 weeks.

It’s rare that contact is reduced down, the starting point tends to be 50/50.

Remember - she isn’t in charge or get to dictate. Contact should be agreed between parents and always child focused.

hsegfiugseskufh · 17/09/2019 20:21

He needs to go to mediation and then court really. It needs to be formalised.

cookingonwine · 17/09/2019 21:29

I don't believe an exW would become bitter and crazy just like that. If that's how the exW feels then that's her feelings and something must of happened for her to change her tune with her ExH.

I agree with the other posters that a court order or something needs to be in place. You need to go to mediation first.

ColaFreezePop · 18/09/2019 07:54

@cookingonwine unfortunately some women and some men start acting strange when they get a new partner.

OP as a PP said he needs to formalise arrangements.

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/09/2019 09:11

don't believe an exW would become bitter and crazy just like that

I would have said the same around 8 years ago...

dps ex was lovely, they had a great amicable co parenting relationship, did eachother favours, were sorting out the house to be sold, everything was as good as you could expect it to be when you've split up and have a child between you.

2 years (yes, 2 years!) after he left, he met me. After around 6 months, he told his parents about me who swiftly told his ex before he had the chance to (i'm talking his mum literally text her as soon as we left their house)

she lost her shit in a big way. She stopped contact, she took the house off the market, she threatened to get someone to kill us both, she told him she would kill herself, she told him she'd move away and he'd never see their child again.

She told everyone I was the OW, including her then 8yo son.

She attacked dp in the street in front of said 8yo. She smashed the window of my car.

She has carried on acting like this for the entire duration of our relationship, they went to mediation and sorted contact etc, she tries to extort money out of us at any opportunity and pays for nothing for her own son. She has said some truly vile things over the years, and I cannot see the situation improving much, if at all.

We live quite close to her now and as such sometimes we bump into eachother, she still cannot bring herself to say hello to me, she stops and scowls and usually mutters something under her breath.

if you had told DP, or me, at the beginning of our relationship when she was unaware of me and happily co parenting with dp that she would turn into a nasty, abusive maniac who cared not a shit about her child we would have both said you were mad. But here we are.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page