EX TRYING TO CAUSE PROBLEMS AFTER NO CONTACT FOR OVER 12 MONTHS

[BETTYBIMBO]

I DON'T KNOW WERE TO START REALLY BUT HERE GOES....

I HAVE TWO LITTLE GIRLS AGES 4 1/2 AND 2 1/2.

THERE BIO FATHER NEVER BOTHERED WITH EITHER AFTER WE SPLIT WHICH WAS WHEN MY 4 YEAR OLD WAS 18MONTHS OLD AND 2 YEAR OLD WAS JUST BORN.

THEN WHEN 4 YEAR OLD WAS 2 1/2 HE TOOK ME TO COURT AND WANTED CONTACT WHICH HE WANTED! IN A CONTACT CENTRE.

THE COURT AGREED BUT IT NEVER GOT OFF THE GROUND CAUSE IT CAUSED MY NOW 4 YEAR OLD TOO MUCH UPSET.. I PROMOTED CONTACT AS MUCH AS POSS BUT SHE WOULDN'T GO IN WITH HIM.

MY 2ND LOVLEY HUSBAND HAS BROUGHT MY CHIDLREN UP SINCE MY SPLIT WITH MY EX HUSBAND AND MY CHILDREN LOOK ON MY HUSBAND AS THERE DAD (THERE OUR CHILDREN IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN).

I NEVER STOPPED MY EX SEEING THE KIDS EVER. BUT HE STOPPED GOING TO THE CONTACT CENTRE WENT BACK TO COURT AND ASKED FOR A REPORT TO BE GONE ON MY 4 YEAR OLD (WAS 3 AT THE TIME) AS HE THOUGHT I WAS TURNING HER HEAD AGAINST HIM.

THE COURT AGREED - I HAD NO CHOICE... SO A MEETING WAS HELP FOR THEM TO LOOK AT MY DAUGHTER AND IT CAME BACK THAT SHE JUST DIDNT UNDERSTAND HIM AND WAS CHOISING TO REJECT HIM HELFSELF!! KEEP TRYING WITH MEETINGS AND MAY BE SHE WOULD BREAK..

ALL THIS WAS SO STRESSFUL FOR EVERYONE INCLUDING ME AND MY HUBBY.. WE HAD TO CUDDLE HER TO SLEEP MOST NIGHTS AFTER ONCE A TWO HOUR MONTH VISIT TO THIS CONTACT CENTRE.

THEN MY EX STOPPED COMING TO SEE HER.. AND APPLIED TO COURT FOR INDIRECT CONTACT ORDER...

AGAIN THE COURT AGREED HE COULD WRITE TO HER AND SEND PRESENTS AND CARDS ETC...

BUT GUESS WHAT - HE HASN'T BOTHERED!!! NEARLY 12 MONTHS LATER NOW...

THAT A BIT OF THE BACK GROUND ANY WAY...

I AM LOOKING FOR HELP TO GET US THROUGH WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW..

WE RECEIVED A LETTER TO CONFIRM THAT MY EX AGREES TO ME AND MY HUBBY ADOPTING BOTH GIRLS.

WE DROPPED IN TEARS WITH JOY...!!!!

BUT .. HE HAS FOUND OUT SHE AS JUST STARTED SCHOOL AND IS PHONING THE SCHOOL TO ARRANGE A VIEWING ETC...!!!!!

HE HAS HAD NO CONTACT WITH EITHER CHILD FOR OVER 12 MONTHS.

I HAVE AN INDIRECT CONTACT ORDER IN PLACE WHICH STATES I HAVE TO SEND A COPY OF THE SCHOOL REPORT ETC... BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY ADDRESS OR CONTACT NUMBER ETC FOR HIM..

AND HE IS TELLING THE SCHOOL HE IS GOING TO THE EDUCATIONAL BOARD TO REPORT THEM IF THEY DON'T GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS!!!

I AM WORN OUT AND IN SUCH A STATE.. I WANT TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN BUT THE LAW SEEMS TO LET HIM IN AND OUT AS HE WANTS....

IF I WENT BACK TO COURT DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD REMOVE HIS PARENTAL RIGHTS?



PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I GO OUT MY MIND PLEASE..

[jupiter]

We have been going through a very similar situation with my two children.

Can you put the children on an "at risk" register with the local police station and with the social services? Especially as he has agreed to you both adopting the children.

Also get in touch with the school, keep them totally up to date with the situation and what the position is and how you are anxious about what he is doing.

Every time my ex either contacted the school or if he turned up to the school they would phone me and let me know. They would then plan to stall him until I arrived at the school.

Cover yourself for every eventuality.

To find out where he lives try 192 dot com. You can get hold of the latest electoral roll for the address and phone no details, if he doesnt withold them.

Hope this has been some help, I really sympathise with you.

[jupiter]

PS try the CAB and a solicitor you often get a free half hour consultation and they will let you know exactly what your rights are. Unless of course you already have one.

[Chandra]

I don't know anything about these things but I suppose that if he only has an indirectcontact order the school are well within the law by not allowing him to see them. Actually, the school is not the one to decide to let him see them or not, they should stick to your instructions (granted by the order) or call the police if he insists. But again, I'm no expert.

[mummyloves]

Bettybimbo, if you don't have contact details for him then you cannot comply with that part of the court order and cannot be in breach. If he has parental responsibility then he SHARES that responsibility with you and would have to ensure that any change of his address was made available to you. I personally wouldn't even bother trying to find out his details. Let him tell you. If he doesn't, that's that. Are you scared now that he is going to change his mind about the adoption or have any papers been signed?

As far as the school is concerned, if actual contact with your children is not an issue, ie he has no DIRECT CONTACT order in place, then could you not come to terms with him viewing the school at a time when DD is not there, after all, what will that actually give him? I'm not sure that the school can actually refuse this, but they will cetainly have to note that he is not to have any contact with your DD and so he can't sneakily see her when he goes there. That's why they would accomodate a visit outside of school hours. As for going to the school board etc, well it does sound like he's never stuck to anything. What's he actually after by doing all this? He's still not seeing his DD is he? The school is not obliged to give him any information that you do not want him to have as far as has been explained to me. I'd be so upset too, he's not doing anything for her, why should he suddenly see the results school report wise, of all your hard work. As far as PR goes, the fact that you've got that letter goes a very long way to show that he does not want to be responsible for your DD. He can't deny that fact can he?

You've come through so far, let's hope this is the final hurdle before this man gives up and leaves you alone to keep on doing right by your children.Please try to keep in mind his track record.

[BETTYBIMBO]

I pray he gives up..

No he doesn't have contact through is own choice..

I just want to cry for england yet again.. I feel so sad.. on one hand I have a husband that loves me and the girls to bits and we love him so much.... we are so happy and on the other an ex who doesn't want us but at the same time doesn't want anyone else to love us either.