Saw this in a FB group and would like to see what other think.

[Rainbowhairdontcare]

Wife is of Chinese background and has two BD that live with them FT. Husband has two sons that live with them 50% of the time. Chinese lady parents offered to pay for a private bilingual school for the girls (so they can learn Chinese). Husband thinks this is unfair in his kids

I don't see the problem. He wants to deprive his DDs because he can't afford the same for his DSs, but he's not thinking of the benefits to his DDs.

Hmm it's difficult but his kids aren't Chinese. I'm sure if he paid for them to join the girls they would be pleased but it's kind of crucial the girls learn this part of their heritage whereas it's not for the boys.

Plus I doubt Chinese grandparents will consider step children their grandchildren.

That's exactly how I see it Sandy they're depriving the DDs of something that is culturally theirs just because the DF can't afford it for his DSs .

Lemon I also agree with you, I doubt those grandparents will see the step grandchildren as full grandchildren.

I take it the husband is not Chinese? In which case why is he bothered about them going to a Chinese bilingual school.

This is a generalised statement, but IME Chinese people are high achievers and very hard working... the grandparents will want the best for the DGC.

The step kids, who have nothing to do with them aren't a concern.

Let him put the needs and the benefits of his DDs first...instead of being difficult.

Yes, the husband was not Chinese. He's bothered because he has to pay $1k a year in uniforms (from his/their own pocket, thus depriving the other two sons from that money they're all American BTW). Plus extra commuting costs to and from the school.

The husband is being unreasonable. I doubt his biological kids’ maternal grandparents even acknowledge the new partner’s kids. Why should the Chinese grandparents behave differently? I imagine there’s a bit of jealousy here as elderly Chinese people tend to have a lot more disposable income.

The grandparents want their dgc to speak their language and grow up knowing about Chinese culture. Although its generally not a good idea to treat children differently, in this case I don't think its unfair.

Maybe it's a cultural thing? Everyone on that post was saying the grandparents were being unfair, but I certainly cannot see it that way.

Her children are going mainly so they can learn Chinese. Their maternal side is Chinese so their Grandparents may just be wanting to give them the opportunity to know both languages (English and Chinese)

Why is that of any relevance to his children whatsoever?? He’s being ridiculous.

I think the Chinese wife needs to dig deep into her pockets and find $500 at least to put towards the children’s uniforms herself.

Can I add though, if this isn’t a real life scenario happening to you personally and affecting your life, do you need to post it on a site such as this to get opinions?

No offence intended.

No it hasn't happened to me personally, but I do come from a bilingual background so couldn't understand why the husband was so difficult about it and he couldn't see why he was being unfair to his SDs . Nobody seemed to agree with me, so wondered if it was a cultural thing above anything else.

Everyone on that post was saying the grandparents were being unfair

So do they think that the grandparents should pay for the children of their Ex Son in law?

That's absolutely ludicrous. Why would they and why should they.

If he cannot afford the school uniform, then that's another issue altogether.
In that case their DM should pay, as it isn't fair for his DSs to go without, because he's paying for a uniform he cannot afford.

My children are half Chinese, my eldest isn’t however.

My PIL and GPIL treat us both as valued members of the family, different story with my B/SIL but they’re hideous human beings so no loss there.

If they offered to do something similar for their grandchildren and not offer it for my BS my emotive side would feel hurt, however my logical side would accept graciously and encourage the schooling. I would see it as my obligation to do something of similar ilk to the best of my ability for my eldest maybe a music tutor etc.

I can see both sides but ultimately the husband is being unfair really.

Everybody else as saying that the mother should thank her parents but reject the very gracious gift, all for the sake of being "fair" in the blended household.

I agree with you Sandy any extra expense should be covered by the DM.

The conclusion to that post was that unless they could afford private schools for all four children, it was put of the question. A very short sighted POV IMO.