Torn

[Smeghead90]

Sorry this will be a long post. I have an ex partner whom I have 2 children ages 3-4 to. I also have an 8 year old DD with someone else. Me and my ex partner have a rocky history, we have split and got back together twice. We have been talking about getting back together in the future, not yet but maybe in the next few years. There’s a lot that has happened in the past and my family will more than likely disown me if we do get back together.
When my daughter was 3 there was an incident where my ex told her she couldn’t have her telly on that night because she had had a dummy ( we were trying to get her off them) my family totally flew off the handle at this and nothing has been the same since. I think my family have been saying things to my daughter about my ex so obviously her view has been coloured. I am unsure of what to do, please give me some insight, or experiences anyone has had. Thank you

Why did your family know about what he said or not? It is weird. Why do you break up? How is he now with the kids?

There's a lot you're not telling us about this "incident" isn't there?

I'm not sure that we really have enough to go on, to advise you about your relationship with your ex.

What is clear from your post, however, is that the one thing that has been lacking from the lives of your children is stability. Their parents / step-parents have been splitting and getting back together, and it seems that they have encountered considerable conflict between members of their family. However you decide to proceed here, I would suggest that stability for the children should be the most important thing.

That means thinking very carefully before putting them through another round of getting back together, with the potential for more conflict and another split.

It means thinking very carefully about the impacts on them if members of their family were to be torn from their lives by conflict between the adults.

It means that if there is any risk of abusive behaviour (I may be reading between the lines here), definitely not going there.

It means whatever you decide to do with your relationship, taking it very slowly and keeping it well away from the kids until you 100% know it will work.

Above all, it means putting them first with every single decision.

If it's just the dummy incident they don't like him for, then your family are being unreasonable.

However, I'm not a fan of dummies and I find it irritating for a toddler to have one, so I'm not against what your Ex said in relation to that.