How to sort out disagreements - step-siblings

[user1476215614]

I've very recently moved in with my partner, (2 months ago) we both have children from previous relationships, my daughter is 4 and he has two kids, a daughter who's 7 and a son who's 10. I'm struggling with keeping things fair and knowing when to and when not to react to fallings out/disagreements. My daughter will often 'tell on' my partners daughter, sometimes this is for a good reason - she has deliberately physically hurt her but often it is because she has brushed past her and my daughter turns it in to a drama! The older brother is starting to feel resentful because he feels my daughter is always telling on his sister. I don't know how to handle this! I feel I have to intervene as my stepdaughter has deliberately hurt her in the past and I don't want my daughter to feel she can't tell me when bad things happen - but sometimes it is an exaggeration. How and when should I react??

How would you/do you handle this when its between your own kids or your kids and nieces/nephews?

My daughter was an only child until 2 months ago - so never came up. If it's between friends/cousins etc. it's much easier because it's fleeting, the problem here I suppose is that it is constant! I'm exhausted trying to listen to both sides of the story EVERY time - and then find myself having to decide who's telling the truth when quite honestly, often I don't know!

I stopped listening to a lot of these stories when my son told me his cousin sent the moon to chase him.

Thanks Kewlwife, I know a lot of the stories aren't completely true (and that is sort of my partners' take on it) however because I know for a fact that sometimes it is true and my stepdaughter has deliberately hurt her in the past I feel I can't just ignore it. Thanks though.

Kids deliberately hurt each other sometimes. It happens. I wouldn't think that meant you had to take every allegation really seriously and investigate.

I'd written out a fairly long post then deleted it. The same point kept coming back to me - you knew your DP's daughter has at times deliberately hurt your DD, your DP isn't addressing this at all really & his DS is becoming resentful towards your DD.
Are you now in his house or have they moved into yours? Was your DD enthusiastic about the move? Can you go back to living on your own & look at moving in together at a later stage?

You could keep on forcing them together but it's not what I'd choose especially not when she's only 4. She's expecting you to be her mum & look out for her.

Thanks EileenAlanna, I'd be really interested to see your long response as changing the living situation is not an option!
To be fair to my DP I haven't been completely clear that I know for a fact his DD has deliberately hurt my DD I've shied away from this a bit. I think I'll be more honest with him & maybe we need to have conversations with all 3 of them about mutual respect etc. Maybe addressing it head on is the way forward?

Can you try and talk to your SD and DD about being kind to each other.

No hitting, shoving etc and that naughty behaviour will have a consequence.

My niece would often lie that my DD had hired her...but I think she was seeking attention, because she felt ignored by the cousins.

Or try and reward good behaviour, which may help.

This happens between full siblings... I know my mum just used to sometimes ask to be left in peace.

OP yes, this sounds like a good plan. Getting the situation clear with your DP then with a united front talking with all the DC about issues can't be a bad thing. Really hoping you can resolve it