Stepson wants to go everywhere with me

[SocksAreMadeToBeOdd]

So this is a kind of sweet one I think?

I've been with DH for 4 years just married for 1.

He has two children and his youngest has taken a real shine to me which I do love. He's a real fab little boy and we have a good laugh together. Get on with the eldest awesomely as well but the younger one really has taken a special liking to me!

So much so that he wants to come everywhere with me. If his dad is taking them out somewhere and I'm not coming for whatever reason he will want to stay with/come with me where I'm going. If I'm going out and H is staying home he will want to come with me etc... And will get upset if he can't.

I don't mind this at all, I really enjoy his company. My only concern is, should we be encouraging this or not? Should we be telling him 'no you have to go with daddy' etc... H still spends a lot of time with him as they are with us regularly.

I'm very aware that contact is H's time, not necessarily mine but I hate telling him he can't do something with me that he really wants to. I also don't want to seem like I'm overstepping to Hs ex.

Should we just carry on letting SS decide what he wants to do? We don't pressure it, it's only him who ever asks.

How old is he?

My DSC has periods of being my shadow as she likes helping me bake, wants to do hair and nails and stuff and now we have a baby she wants to be with her all the time. She’s also very close to her dad and generally likes company and hanging off one of us, while her brother enjoys his own company and can entertain himself for hours on end.

You need balance. Sometimes DH will pop to the shops and she wants to stay here and that’s fine. Sometimes I want a bit of space so he’ll say they’re all going - we have an eye thing we do to communicate silently. It’s important they have time all together with just dad, time on their own with him (I’ll have the other one), time when we’re all together. I wouldn’t be okay with your set up as it stands if he actively chooses not to do stuff with his dad. It’s great you get on well but I’d mix it up a bit so you don’t bed the dynamic in too much.

I've had this too.

Personally I would say don't worry about it too much. People on MN will always go on about how step mums should stay out of the way and the kids just want time with their dad, but honestly if it's the little boy initiating it then it can only be a good thing. He sees you as a part of his loving family that he actively wants to spend time with and doesn't feel insecure about his time with his dad, that's a good thing! The stronger your bond with the kids, the happier you all will be.

I would only change things at all if you or your husband weren't happy with things. So if you really wanted the space when they go out or your husband felt he was missing out on his time, then I would just present things as a bit more non negotiable, ie "we're all going out now" or "we're all going out but step mum needs some privacy to get some work done".

But if everyone's happy as things are then I don't see a problem!

He likely misses his mum and so having another woman around is probably a security blanket. To be honest I think you both should be encouraging him to spend 1-2-1 time with his dad as that’s why he comes over. If you don’t then as he gets older his feelings about you may change but he won’t have developed a close enough relationship to his dad.

As long as your husband is genuinely ok with the scenario then I see no issues.

If he isn’t, then that’s something to discuss between you and find a solution to.

What’s the saying? ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it’

I think this is a lovely example of a secure relationship with a step parent. You’re creating a family feel, which I think is important.

My lo likes women more than men, he's a big mommy fan but otherwise is likely to gravitate to another female. It's very normal so if you don't mind it I see no harm.

I’m sure this flattering, but Long term this is a mistake. He needs a good relationship with his father and the only way to develop this is for him to spend time with his father.