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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Please don't be too harsh Mumsnetters :(

20 replies

Onetwistedsista · 04/08/2019 20:52

Hi all. So 6 years ago i met a divorced man and we fell in love. His children went to live with their mom in another state. He saw them only 3 or 4 times a year when he went. Ex wouldn't "permit " them to come to him. We live together and have a joint lease (i decided to rent my 3bed 2 bath house, good revenue). About a year ago both sons decided they can't 'handle living with mum anymore, and came crying to dad. We have a 2 bed place and i had to give my son's (our son) room up to accommodate them. They don't like me and don't have a problem showing it and dad defends them. Our relationship has suffered and i want out as i feel i did not sign up for this. I want to give notice to my tenants as our lease will be ending soon and i just want to go and live in my house with my son. He is however making me feel guilty as he cannot afford the full rent there. Am i being a bitch?

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 04/08/2019 20:54

Not at all.

He needs to find a suitable place to rent. Its not your problem at all.

hopefulandstrong · 04/08/2019 21:05

His Consequences!
Tell him that.
He wants your life to be hard so his isn't. You only have one life don't fuck it up for someone else gain.
His dc sounds rude and entitled, left the mum and now are rude to you.
Maybe the mum didn't act the nicest to you because she had to deal with such naughty dc who seem to be as selfish as their df.

slipperywhensparticus · 04/08/2019 21:08

Nope you need to protect yours just as he protects his

FifteenYemenRoadYemen · 04/08/2019 21:55

Not at all OP. Well done for thinking this, don't allow yourself and your child to suffer. You have a place, go live your life as you wish, he will keep you for financial reasons and that is wrong.

Do not allow him to make you feel guilty, he's shown no commitment or respect to you so now you do not need to give him a second thought. Do what is best for you and your health.

It's time for a new chapter, what he does after you leave is his own problem and not yours to sort.

boosterrooster · 04/08/2019 21:55

You're not a bitch at all. There clearly isn't enough room for you all and tension with his sons.
Do what you have to do for your own child. Especially given that you have the option of moving back into your own place, almost seems silly staying where you are.

Original poster
Onetwistedsista · 04/08/2019 21:58

Thanks for the support guys. It doesn't help that he throws the ' well, you knew I have other kids when you met me' line. Aarrgghh

OP posts:
FifteenYemenRoadYemen · 04/08/2019 22:08

Having children does not mean they can get to treat you like shit and for you to be disrespected. Yes you accepted the kids but their behaviour is not acceptable and nor will you be subjected to it. He should be the one person who stands by you and puts them in their place and as he does not, you are left with no other option but to put yourself first.

Don't let him emotionally blackmail you, if it were your children being rude and dismissive to him and you did not say anything, I bet he would feel the same as you.

You have a house, go live your life and be free from this bullshit. I wish you a happy future ahead.

SandyY2K · 04/08/2019 23:09

No. You're not being a bitch.

Nobody wants to live with anyone who doesn't like them. Why should you put up with him defending them.

It was very sensible if you.to retain your property. Very wise.

The current house isn't big enough for you all anyway, as your son has lost his room.

I usually believe you can expect issues with SC, but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate their behaviour and a spouse who refuses to acknowledge it deal with it.

swingofthings · 05/08/2019 06:33

The relationship is over, he can't e pect you to stay just because he can't afford the rent, that's his problem. If he's kids have moved in with him, he should get maintenance from the mum to help pay the rent.

Original poster
Onetwistedsista · 05/08/2019 21:45

Thank you @FifteenYemenRoadYemen

OP posts:
Original poster
Onetwistedsista · 05/08/2019 21:48

@swingofthings yes absolutely he has asked her and lawfully she should as one of them is a minor, however she's one of those "old fashioned " ladies who believes the man must take care of the family so she refuses to pay. He hasn't insisted.

OP posts:
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 05/08/2019 21:57

OMG please get out and live your life as you wish. Step parenting is extremely difficult and can only be successful if your partner supports you and parents his kids properly. Your partner does not seem willing to do this. And his finances should not be your problem - don't let him guilty you.

ispepsiok · 05/08/2019 22:16

Knowing that he has kids already doesn't mean that you signed up to deal with rude children who aren't appropriately disciplined by their father for their behaviour. It also doesn't mean that your son has to give up his own bedroom!

It's not your problem that he cannot afford the rent on his own, he knew he had kids and should've considered that when renting the place 😉 go back to your own home (without him and his rude children), he will have to insist that his 'old fashioned ' ex pays towards their joint children's upbringing.

Run for the hills!

HeckyPeck · 06/08/2019 18:13

The relationship is over, he can't e pect you to stay just because he can't afford the rent, that's his problem. If he's kids have moved in with him, he should get maintenance from the mum to help pay the rent.

Definitely. Run for the hills and don’t look back.

Alicatz66 · 06/08/2019 18:15

You are not being a bitch at all .. move on with your life .. you and your son will be much happier .. best of luck to you ThanksThanks

Butterflyone1 · 07/08/2019 12:55

He has chosen his two children over you and your son, that is completely unfair!

He needs to step up and realise that his boys are being brats and start being strict with him.

His financial situation is not your concern. Focus on you and your son.

A88ie1 · 07/08/2019 12:58

Your not being a bitch and lucky you kept your own house, Id suggest offering to live apart and not pay the rent. He can cover it as his children and move out for some sanity and then maybe able to salvage relationship. I feel for you. I hope you get your peace soon :)

Original poster
Onetwistedsista · 13/08/2019 20:55

Hi guys. Thanks everyone for responses and support. Since i last posted this the boys have apologized to me, dad too, but i still gave notice to my tenants and intend moving into my home with my son. I feel sad but relieved. The reality is the 2 bed/1 bath flat has simply become too small so im miserable anyway. Plus the extra expense for grocery shopping(we both contribute) and their mom not giving a cent. And they've made it clear they not going back to mom. Some friends suggested sticking it out BUT they're only 13 and 19! They're going to be with dad for a long time. So that's where we're at. I feel lousy because they'll probably have to move into a bachelor or 1 bed place but i have my son to think.

OP posts:
LatentPhase · 13/08/2019 21:23

Good for you. OP Smile the fact you’re relieved tells you all you need to know.

Here’s to a bright future for you and your dc

Chitarra · 13/08/2019 21:27

It’s sad that it didn’t work out, but you are right to put yourself and your son first, OP.

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