Double Standards

[dragonstitcher]

So, last night at about 10.30ish, DH tells my 15yo DD to go to bed. She doesn't want to and throws a sulk. He tells her that she has to go to bed because she is only 15 and he and I need some grown up alone time. He then proceeds to lecture me about how I have to do something about 'that girl'.

I don't disagree with him. I have been feeling the same thing for years, in fact, when his boys have stayed up until gone midnight since they were 10/11 years old.

The thing I object to is being lectured the very same thing that I have been trying to get him to see for the last 10 years! I can also see why DD objects. She is obviously thinking that it is not fair that her (step)brothers have been allowed to stay up for years and now that she is 15, she is not allowed the same curtesy.

perhaps you should ask dh

"why is it ok for the boys to stay up to gone midnight since 1997 (or whenever) but it's not ok for dd to stay up until 11.30pm, because I don't see why they shoud be treated differently?"

stated in a factual calm way then sit and say as little as possible??????

Dragonstitcher - I have this issue all the time . I tell my partner how I think he should address issues of upbringing with his sons, and then he turns around a few weeks/months later and points out that I am doing exactly what I advised him not to do with the boys with our daughter.

We have to laugh... because ultimately we are pretty much in agreement on the objectives and strategy of the children's upbringing, we're just not so hot at the actual execution .

As to your 15 year old DD, personally I'd tell her to go to bed at 10 pm because at 15 you need at least 9 hours sleep per night if you are to learn effectively at school... telling her that it is because you and DH need adult time is in effect excluding her, whereas telling her it's for her good growth/education is a positive, loving message.

Sorry, I should have made it clear that I am talking about school holidays and weekends here. DD always goes to bed at 9.30 - 10pm on a school night.

Think what dragons dh said is a bit crap, i think i would have thown a real strop if my step-mum had said this to me at 15. Thing is 15 year olds think they are grown up.

Dragonstitcher - OK, but I'd still not use the "we need adult time" argument . I think that, if at all possible, one should use positive arguments for getting people to do things ("you need your beauty sleep and will be so pretty and refreshed in the morning and will enjoy your Saturday/Sunday/day off so much more") rather than negative ones ("go to bed now we can't bear having you around a moment longer").

I overstate the case, of course