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Step-parenting

Thinking we may need a court order but we have a few questions

16 replies

Butterflyone1 · 01/07/2019 11:52

Things have taken a turn for the worse with DP ex and we're debating whether to go to the courts.

We're not sure how to arrange this with littlest impact to the DC. If we arrange to go to court, will the DC need to be involved?

Currently we have them EOW and DP used to have them one night during the week but that's no longer possible due him changing jobs and them not being flexible. He had no choice about changing job, it was either take another job with less flexibility or be unemployed and not be able to pay CM.

The Ex is very bitter towards us, constantly playing the victim but when she wants flexibility it's all ok.

If we have a specific court order, will additional time with DC be permitted? Obviously this would be down to Ex agreeing but we don't want to arrange only EOW when in the future we might be able to have them more often.

Also we will be having a honeymoon later next year and this may be for two weeks, would we be best to arrange for grandparents to help out if it affects a DC weekend or if we give enough notice to Ex, could this be agreed with them or would we need to go to the courts? It will only be this one time it may affect the children and I think a honeymoon is a fair reason.

OP posts:

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HappyStep1 · 01/07/2019 12:13

It's unclear why you need a court order, I'm assuming contact is currently informal. If your DP is not available to have DC on the one other day is the ex saying they must still come?
Don't talk about bitter exs, you'll get short shrift on here.

Thursday452poh · 01/07/2019 12:17

I agree with the previous what do you want the court order to achieve? More than every other weekend? Half the holidays... Christmas / birthday?
I would imagine there would be no room for flexibility if that’s the reason you are getting the court order in the first place?

Butterflyone1 · 01/07/2019 13:29

Sorry this is my ignorance, I don't really know what the court order does. We just figured with the CO we would have it formally agreed the set days.

Currently it just can't work with the week night. Eventually we'll try and move closer to the kids (currently an hour away) so then that will be feasible.

OP posts:

lunar1 · 01/07/2019 13:46

Is the ex stopping the EOW contact? A court order could help sort that out. Has she just become negative since the weeknight was stopped?

Quartz2208 · 01/07/2019 13:48

So you can only have EOW - can you do more as otherwise what is the point

Butterflyone1 · 01/07/2019 17:07

She hasn't stopped it actually. She likes having a 'break' as she puts it. I think at this point we don't need a court order so that's good.

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 01/07/2019 17:09

What other time do you want - and how is she not being flexible?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 01/07/2019 17:12

Currently you’re not in a position to have them other than EOW (which is what you have) so what would you be asking for the court to order? Are you wanting them every weekend?

lunar1 · 01/07/2019 17:48

You aren't in a position to change contact right now so there's not much point going to court. Sadly they can't order parents to be nicer to each other.

ICanWearMyBoobsUpOrDown · 01/07/2019 17:55

You've changed the contact to less time with the dc, I would be a little pissed off with that too.

In all honesty as you only have the dc EOW I would take a 10 day honeymoon so it doesn't infringe on contact time or he won't see them for a month.

A court order would mean set contact times, as it seems that you are the ones messing about with contact times it wouldn't benefit you at all.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 01/07/2019 18:04

She hasn't stopped it actually. She likes having a 'break' as she puts it.

I initially misread this comment as meaning she sometimes stops contact to have a break from it but actually I realise now that you mean, and are sneering at the fact, she likes the break from the DC that EOW contact gives her.

Why exactly wouldn’t she? It’s tough going being the sole parent to DC and only getting away from it every 12 days. Why is that something to sneer at?

stuffedpeppers · 02/07/2019 09:06

So the DF unilaterally ( for whatever reason) cut his midweek contact - EX has to suck that up. She will because she has to.

He unilaterally moved over an hour away from his DCs.

You have them EOW ( because she likes a break!!!). OMG what a bitchy comment, she looks after your DPs children 261 days of the year, has not stopped contact.

She ahs taken it on the chin and the odd bitchy comment is allowed from her. Their DF is a DF for 365 days of the year, he just chooses to forget about it for the previous 52 he was doing. Good job one parent has the kids as a priority.

You do not need a contact order because she is being more than reasonable, you want set contact days - which you already have but want flexibility for you, not her and you want to go away on a honeymoon - which has got nothing to do with her. Your problem - you sort out child care for that time.

Court would be the way to upset an arrangement that clearly works well for you and your DP, considers the kids after what you two want and the EX sucks up your distance and dropped contact!!!!

Time for some reflection on what is the priority ( obviously not the DCS) and what a bloody good deal you have at the moment.

Scorpiovenus · 02/07/2019 09:16

She ahs taken it on the chin and the odd bitchy comment is allowed from her. Their DF is a DF for 365 days of the year, he just chooses to forget about it for the previous 52 he was doing. Good job one parent has the kids as a priority.

No its not. Your meant to suck it up, be a bigger person for your kid not be a brat and let the child know its totally ok to be a asshole or a bitch whatever, No no no. Be a adult. He moved on she needs to deal with it. When you decide to be a parent that is when you become that bigger person.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 02/07/2019 09:27

I can’t see where the EX is making bitchy comments?

pikapikachu · 02/07/2019 13:33

You want the court order amended from EOW plus 1 night to EOW plus what? Every weekend would be very unreasonable.

Once you move closer, you could have the order amended to EOW plus 1 night again?

The comments about XW needed a break are very unreasonable. If you have kids with your partner then you'll know that feeling of relief when an extra pair of hands are available or you can leave the child with him so you can go out.

stuffedpeppers · 02/07/2019 23:37

She is being the bigger person, she looks after he children when their DF fails to make his commitments.
That is sucking it up and if she makes a bitchy comment to her EX - then so what. There is nothing to say that she is bothered he has moved on.

Sorry one of the EXs on either side, ends up having to bend over take it up the arse and smile, pretend that it does not matter and
allow the other half to be a crap parent.

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