You're not my mum

[ImSa250]

I divorced with my ex around 2 years ago and have a shared care of 8 year old son with my ex. I’m having a new partner and things are going reasonably well at home. However, my 8-year-old son is hesitant to go out with my new partner and together as a family. He thinks that people will consider that she is his mum but she isn’t. Any advice to deal with this scenario is much appreciated.
Thanks

If I (a stranger) overheard an 8 year old calli an adult by their first name I'd assume stepmum, auntie, dad's friend, neughbour etc

If my partner's child told me that I wasn't his mum then I'd agree and say that he wasn't my child but my friend or something similar. Does your partner look like she could be his mum? If she looks very different eg different race then you could talk about people usually looking like their parents so black people have black babies etc

Does his mum have a partner? Do you use the word family when describing the unit of you-your son-your partner? Has someone mistaken your partner as his mum? Did you correct them? How long has he known your partner?

I take my nieces out, people assume I’m the mum. I’ve taken my friends kids out, people assume I’m mum. Yes people assume I’m my DSD’s mum, but she just corrects them.

You can’t stop people jumping to assumptions, you need to reinforce to your child that she has two parents but that your partner is very much a part of your life and that’s not going to change. You want to have a nice time together and he’s going to miss out by being preoccupied with other things peoples opinions.

What has your DC said to you? You should reassure him that he indeed only has one mum and one dad however your new partner is simply another adult in his life who cares about him.

My DP has three children and they adore their mum but we've been out together and strangers have said things like 'oh Mum's organising it all' or things along those lines and the kids have never said anything.

I think you need to reassure DC that what other people think is irrelevant.

My dsd will correct anyone that assumes I'm her mum when we are out and about.
She will say 'No, Herondale is my Step mum.'
When I wasn't married to her dad she still called me that because it was easier to explain to her friends at school, because she refers to me by my name and it confused people.

I don't think people will assume shes mum and they are technically a family still because he's with his dad.
Have you spoken to him to see why he's worried?

Can you get her a badge with "great step-mum" or something on it. It's a nice thing for the child to give and they can be reassured people won't think she's the mum then.

People will always assume.
Me and a make colleague took 3 teens that we work with out ti a country park and chatting to another couple in the cafe it was clear they thought we were a family!

I think you need to work on his resilience a little and tell him it doesn't matter what strangers might think and everyone that matters know your his mum.
Does he think he is being disloyal to you by going out with her? If so maybe reassure him it's ok and you like hearing about where they've been.

Dsd did this with me and got confused even called me mom by accident. It was politely but firmly corrected, you have one mom and I'm stepmom etc. But your half brother is always your brother.
She's fine now and grown out of it. Older two boys don't notice tbh. I encorgae them to talk about their cousins etc and take an interest. Dp didn't know they had seen there new cousin this week but I asked how she was... He seemed baffled!!
They just get confused. Once you've been out a few times it's easy.
If they go out with extended family then it's the smae eg aunt or childminder etc.

Sounds like your son doesn’t want your partner encroaching on his time with you, but can’t think of a good way to articulate it.