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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Is there any way to appeal some.housong help for a step family?

51 replies

Strugglingstepfamily · 12/06/2019 08:10

We're a family of 5 (soon to be six!) But to the government we're classed as a childless couple due to living arrangements. We're still expected to provide a roof for all of our children. When baby is here after childcare costs and bills we'll be left with a £100 to feed and clothe a family of six, which is impossible. Is there any way to appeal for any sort of housing/ UC help? Both of us work FT but rents and childcare are astronomical.

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 12/06/2019 13:19

Your original post was asking about housing, not childcare.

Are you now suggesting you just want childcare for the baby? Because that's also something you should've thought about before...

I also don't understand why you can't move to an area where housing is cheaper

Original poster
Strugglingstepfamily · 12/06/2019 13:25

Yes just childcare and obviously not all of it. We could move but possibly extra commute costs and wraparound care would even it out. And I did look into it... But when I was doing some budgeting for my ML and wanted to confirm some amounts CAB (amongst others gave me the wrong information) and went into panic mode. I love my job and in the future it will pay enough that I won't have to worry about UC but it's a long term investment

OP posts:
ChewbaccaHutchinsCool · 12/06/2019 13:28

Well, of course you'll get the childcare element for your new baby once it's here under UC if you qualify for it.

burnyburny · 12/06/2019 13:30

I'm with your ex on this. You've been happy for him to claim the CB all this time, and you say it has been spent on your DD, as it should be.

But now that you fancy having another baby that you can't actually afford, and will get CB for anyway, plus have that baby's dad living with you, you effectively want your ex to subsidise you?

babysharkah · 12/06/2019 13:32

But YOU are childless at the moment. and this:

We're expected to put a roof over the head of all our children"..... erm... they're your children... So yes. YOU. Not benefits. Stop having children if you aren't earning enough to provide for them, without relying on benefits to enable you to afford them

Original poster
Strugglingstepfamily · 12/06/2019 13:37

My exH is subsidising nothing... It was agreed I would pay it back in full to him. It really made no difference it was just a bureaucracy thing. CB in itself makes no difference, again it's just the childcare element of UC that would help with the wraparound care costs of my daughter.

But I've been assured I don't need it so it's a moot point.

OP posts:
burnyburny · 12/06/2019 13:46

What are the ages of the existing kids? Since the SS doesn't want to share a room? What sex is your partner's other child?

Original poster
Strugglingstepfamily · 12/06/2019 13:48

12 (b), and two girls below 12

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 12/06/2019 13:50

Does your ex work?

ChewbaccaHutchinsCool · 12/06/2019 13:50

But then what does it matter what their sexes are since all you want from UC is the childcare element and not a 3+ bedroom house in the location of your choice? Confused

Original poster
Strugglingstepfamily · 12/06/2019 14:00

It doesn't matter @Chewie I was just looking of ways to get through a tough patch whichever way that was. ( I was misinformed about not getting UC)

OP posts:
Original poster
Strugglingstepfamily · 12/06/2019 14:00

Yes my ex works FT makes above £40k

OP posts:
viques · 12/06/2019 14:07

i've paid enough taxes in the past

I doubt it, you've had two pregnancies from those taxes, plus health care and CB. Education for the next 18 years at the least for the baby and 18 years for your oldest child also have to be paid for somehow.
Plus all the other things your taxes go towards paying for.

i'm surprised there isn't a charity just for struggling step families

they won't leave us starving and homeless

Aw bless. Have you thought of setting up a just giving page, I'm sure there are lots of people in the country who would help you out if they knew about how hard you are trying to help yourselves.

Original poster
Strugglingstepfamily · 12/06/2019 14:15

@viques actually before divorcing we had to pay CB as a tax. We were always considered high earners (before I was made redundant) and couldn't access any help. In fact my divory settlement was all spent in surviving last year as I couldn't claim any benefits (because it was above 6k). I don't know exactly how much taxes I paid but I was earning 50k (just me) for over 6 years. Oh and my first pregnancy was private so it didn't cost a penny to the tax payer

OP posts:
burnyburny · 12/06/2019 14:35

I strongly suspect this is @Niteandfog

And if it is, you deserve every difficulty you encounter.

Firefliess · 12/06/2019 14:38

The benefit system is really crap for parents who have their children a significant amount of time, but not quite 50%. Nothing is shared fairly or split pro rata. It's all or nothing. One parent is the "primary carer" and gets all the benefits and the other gets nothing and is also expected to pay child support to the other one even if they have their child 14 nights a month.

Your only solutions are to try to pursuade one of your exes to let you claim CB for some of the children. This might be easier for your DP as he has several children so he and his ex could elect to have at least one in each of their names (assuming contact is roughly 50-50 overall do this is a legitimate thing to do)

If they won't do this, you could try to change contact via the courts, but there would have to be done other reason for doing so. Otherwise, sadly you may find you are unable to have any of your older kids with you as much as you'd like and may be forced by finances or lack of space in your home to behave more as the "non-resident" parents the system sees you as. My own DC see very little of their dad these days for that reason - he has a one bedroom council flat (with a wife and other child) and the council do not count my two as having any need to sleep there so he's not eligible for anywhere larger.

Firefliess · 12/06/2019 14:42

If your ex is recieving child benefit then ultimately he's responsible for childcare costs, as he is able to claim the childcare element of UC, and you are not. It can't be split and always goes to whoever gets CB.

Original poster
Strugglingstepfamily · 12/06/2019 14:47

If this advice is helpful to anyone:

CB is not needed for UC
If there are no other competing UC claims and it can be proven that children live there (either part time or full time) it is possible to claim UC for said children. (As long as there isn't another claim).

OP posts:
burnyburny · 12/06/2019 20:29

The ex surely won't be entitled to the childcare element help if he's on 45k @Firefliess

Snappedandfarted2019 · 12/06/2019 20:38
Biscuit
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 13/06/2019 07:31

We're still expected to provide a roof for all of our children

Imagine that Hmm

Choosing to have another child and relying on benefits to support that decision isn't financial planning. The existing children should come first and it's the responsibility of parents, not tax payers, to support them.

broken1982 · 15/06/2019 00:10

Oh great. More benefit scroungers Hmm

VodselForDinner · 15/06/2019 00:18

My partner has always received some sort of government help

I can see why you couldn’t help but fall in to bed with such a prince.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 15/06/2019 00:32

The demolition job the government has been making of the benefits system these past few years (which has been well publicised) you are absolutely mad to base a decision like creating new life on benefits being available to you. Honestly, they can whip them away from under you in a flash now. It’s far too risky a plan to have a baby knowing you will need benefits to survive. Sorry, it’s harsh but that’s the situation now.

GreenTulips · 15/06/2019 00:47

Oh and my first pregnancy was private so it didn't cost a penny to the tax payer

Most private policies exclude pregnancy - so how did that happen?