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How to manage birthdays

5 replies

Myfairlady2 · 11/06/2019 16:09

I was wondering how other families handle children's birthdays. I understand that most SMs are not too keen to be found in the same space as the exW and vice versa.
So if a child's birthday is celebrated on a weekend when he/she is not with her father, do you have another, maybe small celebration another weekend? Or does the father go alone?

My DH always goes to see his 2 sons on their actual birth date. They come here EOW. DH is civil with the mother. Myself, I had issues with her, so I'm not feeling comfortable going. I came before, she doesn't really talk to me, the sons are talking to their father (they are teenagers now), so I don't really feel like my presence matters all that much.

Sometimes, my DH would take them out to eat somewhere, so I would come with my 2 children as well. But this year, the birthdays fall on a weekend, so the celebration will happen on the same day. Usually, the mother invites her friends and family, so I really don't feel like it's my place to be there. My DH doesn't have family here, so we can't organise a family thing. It would really be just DH, me and my children if we do another celebration the next weekend. But then maybe one celebration is enough, I don't really know what to do.

I have a good relationship with them, so I would have liked to acknowledge their birthdays.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Ploppymoodypants · 11/06/2019 16:16

If they are teenagers why don’t you ask them. Just explain that you would like to acknowledge their birthday and offer to take them out for supper or cinema or something.

JuniperIV · 11/06/2019 16:22

You could always do another celebration! Who would ever complain about celebrating their birthday twice?

For the first time this year I went to my partner’s son’s birthday celebration because my partner asked me to and said he thought it might help build bridges between me and his son’s mum (she doesn’t like me very much and always calls me by the wrong name Hmm) and tbh I didn’t enjoy it at all. His mum made it very clear she did not want me there - despite having her current boyfriend and her ex boyfriend (and my partner, but that’s a given) there!

We had him at ours the next day so I made his favourite meal and a special dessert which was so much nicer, and I gave him his birthday present from me then. Much less pressure!

tisonlymeagain · 11/06/2019 18:42

We have separate celebrations, in our new family units. Nobody complains about having more birthday fun!

Sunlove · 11/06/2019 21:01

We always alternate with one parent has DSS birthday and Xmas eve, the other parent has him for birthday celebration (party or day out with friend) and Xmas day.

It seems to work well as DSS birthday is so close to Xmas and this way everybody knows what to expect each year Smile

user1493413286 · 13/06/2019 21:28

We do a celebration for DSD on the weekend before or after. We did offer to all do it together one year but DSD said no as it’d feel weird

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