Father's day - should I give them a nudge?

[MichelleC69]

Just curious as to whether step-mum's nudge their stepkids when it comes to Father's Day/birthday/Christmas gifts etc. My stepsons are 12 and 18 and a little bit thoughtless, which my husband gets a bit upset about. At Christmas, wanting to avoid any conflict, I asked the eldest what he had got dad for Christmas (nothing!) and suggested to him that he might like to think about buying a small gift from him and his brother given everything his dad does for them etc etc. He did it eventually, after lots of hand-holding from me. He has his own money so that's not the issue, I just feel like I shouldn't have to be telling him this stuff and he should think for himself. I had decided that I wasn't going to say anything about father's day and see what happens but I know my husband will be upset if they forget.

Oh, and on mother's day (not that I am their mother, nor do I pretend to be) I got no acknowledgement whatsoever other than when my husband had dropped them home that morning they said 'tell Michelle to have a nice mother's day'.....er that would have meant more coming directly from them!!

That's a funny reaction. You are not being attacked, but everything we do has a consequence. If I decide to be rude to the mother of stepchildren, I can not expect them to make extra efforts for me. That's all. if children see both parents having a good relationship, they have an example to follow.

It's not unrelated though- the effort the parents made when the boys were little has a direct correlation to how they will behave once they are older. I asked a valid question to understand the boys lack of card buying. Did your DH always ensure that the boys mother received birthday /Christmas/Mother's Day cards when they were younger? Mine didn't and that had a direct impact on my decision to not bother with his once I was old enough to buy myself.

Update: they're going home soon and there's been no mention of father's Day whatsoever. Am already fuming on his behalf

I always offer to take my dsd shopping for special occasions and then it's down to her if she wants to go and then what she wants to get him.
My dh is notoriously difficult to buy for so sometimes we ask him what he wants and then we go to the shops and buy that for him and then I leave dsd in charge of wrapping it and giving it to him.
I am very lucky my dsd does get me a step mothers card for mothers day and sometimes a present which is always her choice.

I do offer to do the same with her mother's presents but dsd doesn't like her mum much atm so if she says she doesn't want to get her anything I don't push it. My dh doesn't like to do anything for the mum which is why I nudge on this one.

That’s a shame OP and good you and he agreed you wouldn’t nudge them this time. It’s sad for him but nothing you can do

Neither of my dsc are here this weekend, the post has been and nothing... I feel so bad for my dh.

My 2 dc's have got him a card; I don't know if that will help or make him feel worse because his dc's didn't make any effort...

@MichelleC69 sorry to hear that :( I think mine have made him a card at school but they are a lot younger.

Just makes me angry. He does so much for them and is a brilliant dad. And they have no shits to give.