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Help: 5yo keeps saying she doesn’t want to go to her Dad’s

3 replies

DressingGown · 07/06/2019 21:03

I have Dd (nearly 6) with XP. DP and I have a Ds (15 months). The kids get on great and the adults are all on good terms.

XP takes DD two and a half weekends out of four. He lives and works at least 90 mins away, so never sees DD during the week.

When DD was at nursery XP would pick her up from there on Friday and there were no problems. Since DD started school though, she screams and shouts when he picks her up from me about not wanting to go. It might not be school that is the difference, it might be her little brother...

We’ve tried having XP picking her up from After School Club directly; same problem. She gets really upset and just keeps repeatedly saying that she wants to stay with me.

We tried having him FaceTime on Thursday evenings to make plans with her for the weekend, and she’d be fine... but come Friday even mentioning that she’s going to her Dad’s results in tears and shouting.

She seems to have a good time when she’s actually at her Dad’s. So we always insist that she goes. It’s gut-wrenching though. I’m at a loss for what to do to make things easier for everyone involved.

She’s been difficult in other ways lately- mainly around refusing to wear socks and/or shoes which resulted in her being late to school twice this week. But that’s been a common theme on and off for years. I’m only including this to show that she’s not giving myself and DP an easy time and only being difficult for her dad.

Any help with easing the transition would be very gratefully received!

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Firefliess · 07/06/2019 22:35

My DS and DD both went through phases like that when they were younger. They wouldn't want to go to their dad's. What seemed to make it worse was if they hadn't realised they were due to go to him - could that be the issue if your DD is unhappy when he's there to pick her up from school? I made a chart with the days of the week on it and a pointer and little cut out pictures of their dad, etc to help DS understand when he would be going to his dad's next. I also found handovers were easiest if I took them to his house rather than him collecting them. And simple bribery worked sometimes too - eg ex buying them ice creams on the way back to his. It did pass in time -young children are in the here and now and don't like being moved from somewhere they're happy to somewhere different, even if they are happy there too once they're there.

DressingGown · 07/06/2019 22:54

She is worse when she hasn’t realised or remembered. We had charts/ calendars. Maybe time to refresh. And trying to remind her on Thursdays by having him call. Thanks. Good to hear it’s not just me.

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Firefliess · 07/06/2019 23:01

Even if he calls on a Thursday she may have forgotten by the end of a long day at school. Would it maybe help if she takes a special bag, coat or teddy or something to school with her on a Friday that's on its way to daddy's house? Maybe something from his house that's going back there?

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