Ex Wife and Step Kids AIBU?

[TamarGeorgina]

This is a first time post so... bear with me!

I’ve been with my hubby 20 yrs. He has 2 adult kids with his ex wife.
Hubby is a mechanic and has always fixed her car.
2 yrs ago I got pissed off with her dictating to him about stuff to do with their kids (who are 29 and 27) plus how eldest was controlling him by guilt tripping him to visit her every weekend.
I got mad and left for a week because he won’t stand up for himself to his kids or Her because he “doesn’t want to upset anyone”.
Anyway, I came back and found out the ex wife slagged me off while I was away and the step kids no longer speak to me.
The eldest daughter told my hubby he had chosen me over her ( cos I told her to grow up) and she stopped speaking to him.
So... I got pissed off at the ex wife for bitching about me and she knows it.
Last week step daughter starts texting her dad... then Lo and behold... ex wife texts and asks can he fix her car.
This makes my blood boil.
AIBU to not be happy about this?
I feel like I’m constantly getting walked all over and it’s affecting my mental health.

Oh god. Why is he still engaging with his ex wife when their “children” are grown up? They are adults and your dh has no obligation to put them first anymore. Why is he still playing to his ex wife’s tune?
I’m 29 and mydad is happily married to his wife. I do not expect him to put me first and I fully understand why he would rather spend time with his wife and put their life together as his priority now that he’s done his job bringing me up. And he hasn’t spoken to mum for a very long time because he doesn’t need to!

Imo you married a man who alwaya intended to be around for his dc regardless of age.
That's a responsible bloke/good df you know!
His exw is used to pulling his strings and he has no intention of changing that.
Yanbu to be mad at being second fiddle to her but that's not gonna change any time soon.
Only you can decide if he is worth hanging around for smidgings of his time or not....

As a previous poster said, you'll always be playing second fiddle to his ex wife unless he puts his foot down and puts firm boundaries in place.

Ime exw allows him to carry the trophy of FAB DF. She would withdraw this in the eyes of the dc if he dared to refuse her the title of BEST DW!
In her mind you don't figure at all. She is making sure he doesn't much either - unfortunately he is happy to be her puppet.

Thank you so much for your answers.
Hubby likes to make out I’m over reacting..

I feel for you OP. Sounds like the ex is like my husband’s ex in that she feels she has some sort of ‘ownership’ over your husband. It’s particularly pathetic in your case given that the DC are 27 and 29! My step kids are 15 and 9 so doesn’t give me much hope for the future (not that I had any)

Your husband needs to man up and make sure he has a relationship only with the kids. His ex can pay for her own mechanic, as 99% of the population do.

Your partner should not be doing anything with her car - she has no privileges she lost that many moons ago!

My partners ex tried to ask him to do her electrics in her home! He said no sorry find another electrician. It’s so frustrating when you come across these ex’s that think they have some sort of ownership because they have children with our partners. Most of them you’ll find are lonely women

I dont see the big deal about fixing her car sorry . She was his wife and is the mother of his children. He's just being nice.

Your DH seems like a good bloke who cares for his kids even though they are adults now. I would congratulate yourself on having chosen a good partner but back off a bit. It smacks of being controlling.