Blended family - outings

[Mum2boys28]

I have two ds 8 and 3, I'm now married to my 3yo ds2 dad, and my 8yo ds1 sees his dad every other weekend and spends more or less half the holidays with him.

In the past I have avoided doing big trips with my youngest when the older ds is away so he wont feel left out (this is despite the fact that he goes to the cinema nearly every weekend and has very nice trips with his dad regularly). As my ds2 is now getting older I've started feeling guilty that he is not getting out as much and I feel like I'm being a bit unfair to him as im scheduling his life around the schedule for ds1.

There are things that I would never think of doing without ds1 ie family holidays etc, but can day trips be excused or should they always be scheduled for when ds1 is about.

I need advice on if it's ok to still take ds2 out with my dp on trips like the cinema even if ds1 isn't around.

I hope it makes sense.

Take the three year old out to the park and 3 year old things. The age gap is big enough that I'm sure there are things the 3 year old will want to do (including movies) which your 8 year old will hate.
Don't take the three year old out on a super special day you know your older one really really loves.

I understand the dilemma I really do. But your ds2 still should get to enjoy things even when his brother isn’t there. He should still get to have a normal childhood where he can go and have fun at the park or enjoy watching a film at the cinema. It would be unfair on your ds2 to hold him back every time his brother is with his dad.

Regarding the big days out like theme parks, again I understand where you’re coming from. But even then if you have a day free and just say your ds1 was out having a great time with his dad, I don’t see the problem in taking your younger ds on a big day out.

Providing you do nice things when your older da is with you too, you can always create a good balance.

And another point too, you can always spend one on one time with your older ds too. But you don’t have to do this every time he is with you.

Of course you must take your child out! Your eldest is old enough to understand. My kids are older now but my daughter certainly didn’t want to do some things I did with my son and vice versatility. For example my daughter and I do all day craft workshops. I don’t do a specific activity with my son but I’m forever watching his rugby matches and taking him for practise.
I do think it would be nice if you did something just you and your eldest occasionally though. Your second son might take up more of your time just because of his age when your eldest is with you so it would be good to give him your undivided attention. I’ve always tried to do that with mine. You’d be surprised what you might end up talking about when it’s just you two!

Vice versatility? Doh predictive text!

I do the opposite. My DD is no contact with her dad, so when DS is with his dad I do loads of stuff with DD.
I feel like she shouldn’t miss out because her brother certainly isn’t. You can’t put your life on pause because the other child isn’t there, like you said he’s having fun too. It’s just the reality of having a split family unfortunately.
I’m my DS has ever moaned that DD has been or done something I ask him what he did with his dad that weekend? He’ll reply cinema/bowling/nice pub lunch... so I’ll point out DD didn’t do those nice things and she isn’t complaining.

Thank you all so much!!! The consensus seems to be the same.

I know I've always molly cuddled ds1 and so has his dad (it hasn't helped us thus far) so I am really trying to steer away from that and get more balance in my life overall!!!

Once again thanks