I've name changed, this will out me if but I've had my last nerve worked.
Dsd is 15, I have been married to her dad for 9 years together for 14 (not the other woman, amicable split etc etc)
I get on well with dsd mum and her dp as does dh we all talk and are pretty supportive of each other so that is a huge bonus.
Since dsd was 7 she began having outbursts when she was told no and would follow dh around the house (or her mum both houses having same issue) going on and on and on wearing them down. Consistency being non existent and therefore finally getting her own way.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, dsd is with us (shared care) and due to her awful attitude the Wi-fi was turned off at 11pm. She came out of her bedroom demanding to know why it had been turned off and to turn it back on. Dh explained why it was turned off but that wasn't good enough for her she began to shout at us 'turn it on, turn it on, give me back my Wi-fi, how dare you'
Dh very calmly told her no and that her behaviour was not acceptable. She carried on shouting on and on and on so we went to bed and ignored her. Both of us know that getting involved in any sort of communication at this stage escalates quickly and she isn't rational just shouts abuse at us tell us we are disgusting and how dare we do this.
She decided to leave so of course dh gets up and goes to find her, an hour later she is still refusing to come home so I get in the car drive to where they are and ask dsd to get in the car and we can discuss in the morning. Not good enough, she starts shouting at me that I am nothing I'm a no one and I can't tell her to do anything. I said if she doesn't get in the car I will call the police it's now 1am. She tells me I wont call the police she will not allow it. So I picked up my phone and began to dial (I wasn't actually calling them) she got in the car and we went home.
Got home and she's still shouting demanding the internet and that we have no power of her she can do as she likes. Dh and I don't lose our tempers often and through experience of this sort of behaviour we know we have to react as little as possible. However she then screams at me that I am not her mother and I can get lost. At that point dh got angry and said how dare she speak to me so disrespectfully. Eventually he left her room and we went to bed.
The next day we sat down with her to discuss what had gone on and she refused to look at us telling us we were disgusting people and again how dare we. She went back to her room but 20 mins later came back downstairs and said to Dh 'give me the internet' dh again explained that it wouldn't be happening and that her behaviour was completely unacceptable. She then said 'oh that's right she's told you to say that, you do what she says'
Again she tried to leave but this time dh prevented her ending up with her shouting and screaming for a good hour to let her go and to get out of her way.
Dsd mum is aware of all that is going on and is supportive so no issues there.
This is so long I'm sorry, I don't dictate to dh but I do always support him in front of dsd even if at times I don't necessarily agree, but we will discuss things when she is not in the house. I am much firmer that he is and she knows the difference clearly.
Same evening she's still carrying on and this time starts shouting at me, I tried to shut the door but she put her foot in it to prevent me. I have no idea if she thought this would intimidate me it didn't but apparently this works on her mum. She got a shock because despite her foot being in there I carried on closing it gently until she moved her foot. Dsd once again upped and left at 11pm that night and went to a friends house up the street, I was very embarrassed she has absolutely no shame. At no point did she see her behaviour was appalling or abusive and refuses to apologise.
I haven't spoken to her since and I have no plans to. I am sick of the way she treats us the lack of respect and the sheer entitlement. I work away for 3 weeks and I am home for 3 weeks. It has been decided that dh will have her for the 3 weeks I am away and her mum the 3 when I'm home and of course she can come for dinner after school anytime, I will find something to do elsewhere during those hours.
I don't really know why I'm starting this thread, I feel absolutely done in. I have never been her enemy and out of everyone I am the one she will talk to if she needs. We don't dictate we ask but we do expect her to be respectful to tidy after herself and help out with the dishes after dinner, that is it.
There's no bad blood between her parents neither say bad things about the other and we all get along. I just don't know where to go from here. I am the one to blame it seems and I feel awful however the fact remains her behaviour is the cause of all the drama.
Her mum is very lenient with her and perhaps allows her more freedom that she should have she's a very young 15. Dh has become far more strict over the last few years and that is my fault again according to her.
I don't hate her, I can't talk to her because she will not discuss she just starts shouting you down and I refuse to get in the ring with her. Everything is my fault she has done nothing wrong and I am a bitch.
Does it get better??