AIBU to think you don't have to love your step children

[Ohkayyy]

Two DSS's, been with their father for 7 years and married for 3.

I always see people commenting about how they love their step children or even love them as much as their own.

AIBU to not feel like this? I like them a lot. I'm kind, welcoming and we get on well. We have a laugh and I truly believe they are happy when with us. They are good kids.

But I don't love them. It doesn't bother me if they have to cancel visiting for some reason, for example. I don't miss them when they aren't here and whilst I don't show it, I do look forward to the nights when me and DH are alone and if someone were to ask me to answer honestly, I'd say these are my favourite parts of our relationship. Not that I'm unhappy when the kids are here...

I don't like getting involved in parenty type things either as I just don't feel it's my place. They don't need this from me, they have their Mum and Dad.

I'm not a horrible person and I treat them really well (honest!). AIBU to just not feel love?

I don't think YABU at all. I also think you are brave for your honesty. You don't need to love your sc as long as you treat them well.

Being a step mum is often a catch 22. You will be slated by the kids mum for loving them "too much", and slated for not loving them enough.

I love my SC. They live with us almost 12 days out of 14, and so inherently 'part of the package' with their mum (my partner) that it feels easy to.

We recently had a daughter together. I most definitely love her, obviously. I have spent a fair amount of time gazing at her little face trying to work out how it's different to what I feel to her sisters. I don't know. I don't think it really matters. I think the only think that's changed is that when I see my SDs now, I see my daughter's big sisters - in a way they've become even more 'real' family now.

By the OPs description, she shows them love even if she doesn't semantically categorize her feelings for them that way. Either way, it absolutely doesn't seem unreasonable to me.