When is it time to move in?

[Fluggers]

Hi everyone

This is a positive post, let me just reiterate that I'm in no rush to move in with my partner - we are very happy living in separate homes at the moment but obviously we will be taking the step at some point

I didn't meet these wee guys until we were together for over a year

Engagement and marriage is on the cards

Now - my partner's two lovely kids are 10 and 12. I adore them. We spend quite a lot of time together; I'm involved in their lives as much as I can be as a girlfriend - I attend school plays, events like birthdays and we eat together. Due to my partner's job I take the two of them to school twice a week

DP has joint custody of his children and sees them pretty much every day, which is great

I have a DS 6 - they all love each other

The** younger girl will hug me when I'm leaving, she constantly asks her dad when I'm coming over, is always keen to make plans for seeing me again and always wants to extend our evenings together. She will sit beside me in restaurants, at her insistence. If I'm meeting them out for a quick one hour dinner (say at McDonalds) then she'll always ask if I can come back to watch a dvd/stay over

I never stay over when the children are there - my own DS likes his own bed 🙈

The 11 yo boy is quieter but also very keen - I'm quite hands on with him, I play football with him and I'm very happy to get down on the floor and shoot him on the xBox. They're going away for a short holiday here shortly and he makes comments such as "I wish you and DS could come, it'd be lots of fun"

DP and I are going on a "big" holiday later on in the year, so I'm very happy that he's gonna get his kids off to the sunshine for a week of uninterrupted them time

I am very much a friend to them. They have a perfectly decent mother (I can't stand her, but we are very civil to each other) and whilst I will protect and do anything for them, I am very happy to be their friend

My DS is a simple wee guy who is just delighted to spend them with them 🙂 at his age every single interaction is "fun" and they're excellent company for him

I am very content with how things are going - DP is delighted; but how do you know when it's the right time? We are happy to take our lead from the children - but how did you know?

Thank you 🙂

I never stay over when the children are there - my own DS likes his own bed
Don’t move it yet then, you don’t even all spend the night together.

Honestly if your DS isn’t wanting to stay over then he might not be ready for it, most 6yo kids like an occasional sleepover.

I live my SCs, been with DP for 4.5 years but we’re only just talking about moving in because the kids weren’t ready.

My advice would be to start staying over when there’re there, or for the them to come stay with you so you can get used to it slowly.

Also do not move into an existing home if you do decide to live together. The blended families I know who made living together work all moved into new homes so it was a fresh start and it was their family home. Problems often arise if the new stepparent and their DC move into the other’s house because the kids already living there feel they have more right to the rooms and space than the new stepsiblings because it was there home first.

I love my SCs I meant to type

We took the plunge at what sounds like a similar stage to you're at now. The hardest stage for the kids was actually before we (me and my two kids) moved in with DP and his. My two were restless with no place of their own in his house, my DSS was territorial about his bedroom and didn't like DD invading it to play. All of that got much better once we moved in and everyone had their own space. DS and DSS2 were sharing, but they got on fine.

We did spend several months planning how everything would work and trying to instigate similar house rules in both our homes to make the adjustment easier.

Seven years on now, all is good. The kids get on great and having stepsisters has been just wonderful for my DD in particular.

Would DS be able to have a room of his own when you do move in?

Similar to PP, if he likes his own bed it might be that he likes stability and his own stuff, in which case moving in would be more stable than lots of sleepovers etc

Before you do it, make sure you and your partner are aligned on your attitudes to discipline.

It's a lot harder to be just 'their friend' when you live with them - and you need to be sure that neither his kids nor your boy feels they get a rougher deal etc.

I moved in quicker than we'd planned to stop my girlfriend's daughter from nagging about it, but I didn't have my own kids to throw into the mix so we were able to be more flexible.