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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Am I being mean?

25 replies

Bluebell9 · 20/04/2019 07:03

I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant and really suffering with morning/ All day sickness. I'm throwing up regularly. I need to eat as soon as I wake in the mornings which can be any time from 5.30-6.30.
When DSC (7 and 9) are here, if they wake up early, they can play in there rooms or read until 7.30 when they can wake DP and I up. We tried saying DSS could go down and watch tele when he woke up but he'd wake earlier and earlier just to get to watch tele earlier so DP stopped it.

DSS is now wanting to come downstairs with me when I go down.
I usually go and sit outside with some breakfast as it makes the sickness better.
DSS is lovely but he'd want to talk to me and for me to get his breakfast etc which I'm just not up to in the mornings (I regularly throw up making my own breakfast).
DSC know how sick I've been as I rarely eat meals with the family at the moment and they've both commented they've heard me being sick.

I did initially say he could come down but I wouldn't be chatting or getting his breakfast for him and he was pretty put out about it so DP said no and he had to wait til the normal time.

Am I being mean to say no?

OP posts:

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cliquewhyohwhy · 20/04/2019 07:05

Why can't your partner get up the same time as you and sort the kids out whilst you have some time to yourself to feel better?

Seniorschoolmum · 20/04/2019 07:05

Why can’t the dcs go and bounce on their dad like any other children?

Sexnotgender · 20/04/2019 07:07

No you’re not being mean.

Morning sickness sucks and i understand the need for food to help. Nothing worse than have to talk when feeling so nauseous.

I’m sure your DP can get up and make their breakfast and entertain them if necessary while you get your breakfast in peace.

Original poster

Bluebell9 · 20/04/2019 07:10

I don't think DP should have to get up at 5.30 just because I need to.
Normally DSS is happy reading in his room until 7.30 but it's just because I'm getting up early that he wants to come with me but I don't feel up to it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bluebell9 · 20/04/2019 07:11

And it's only the eldest, the youngest sleeps in.

OP posts:

Sculpin · 20/04/2019 07:11

I can see why the SDC think it's a bit unfair they have to stay in their rooms while you're up and about. I'd probably go back to the first idea of saying they can come down but you're not up for making their breakfast or chatting as you feel sick. Hope you feel better soon OP!

QueenAnneBoleyn · 20/04/2019 07:13

Nope - been there, done that.
You are not being mean at all. Start as you mean to go on and let DP know that he needs to get up and parent his children.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

lunar1 · 20/04/2019 07:16

Tell them they can get into bed with their dad and read or watch their iPad. Life has to change for him too, not just you and his children!

Seniorschoolmum · 20/04/2019 07:20

Your dp won’t have to get up because you do, he will have to get up because HIS dcs are bored.

Original poster

Bluebell9 · 20/04/2019 07:23

Thanks. I think I'll try letting him come down and just watching tele. I'm hoping the sickness won't last too much longer anyway.

OP posts:

Iwantmychairback · 20/04/2019 07:41

Your oldest dsc is 9. Why can’t he get his own breakfast,? Cereal and milk is easy. Better still, he can be getting yours too.

junebirthdaygirl · 20/04/2019 07:51

When l was that sick my dh got up and brought me tea and dry toast. That enabled sickness to settle a bit and l went back to sleep for a few hours.
Let dss get some cereal himself and maybe play/ read. It's quite early for TV because even if dh sleeps to 8.30 its three hours watching which is too much.
Much sympathy on sickness as it's truly horrible.

FinallyHere · 20/04/2019 08:15

What do you eat when you get up? Would a kettle and some dry ginger biscuits in your own work ? I would not want to have to interact with anyone first thing in your condition

Hope you find something that works for you.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 20/04/2019 08:21

He's 9? Assuming no SN that's old enough to understand that you're unwell and he needs to wait.

It's also old enough to pour his own cereal. Actually it's old enough to make you a cup of Tea as well. Being more independent and helpful is probably a good thing for him to work on now, neither you nor DH will have the same time and energy to tend to him once there is a newborn in the mix.

Do what works for you OP.

blackcat86 · 20/04/2019 08:26

At 9 he can make his own breakfast. He's being babied. I would tell him he can get up at a reasonable time and sort himself out. The situation is becoming over complicated and it really doesn't need to be.

lunar1 · 20/04/2019 08:30

Hardly any of the solutions here involve the dp lifting a finger. He's about to be a dad to three children. He can get up get you breakfast, whatever you need and then sort his children if they are up. Parents of three have to learn to juggle and make sacrifices.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 20/04/2019 09:05

@lunar1 excellent point. OP is not being mean and this is primarily DH's problem to solve.

Sizeofalentil · 20/04/2019 09:08

You're not being mean at all - this is such a small amount of time in sdc's life where he isn't going to get his own way (I had morning sickness for 7 months but assuming yours will be for a lot shorter period!).

Even after you've been sick you still have to get on with your day which can be exhausting.

His wants shouldn't trump your needs.

Sizeofalentil · 20/04/2019 09:09

I actually disagree that DP should get up with dsc at 5am. Why should everyone be tired because one child wants to rule the roost and dictate what time everyone gets up?

Sizeofalentil · 20/04/2019 09:10

(Unless op wants her do to get up and get her food. I would have rather got up myself and sat quietly so possibly projecting here)

TTQuestion · 20/04/2019 09:14

As Pp said OP, let him parent his kids in these tricky situations. Don't you do it. It will be a slippery slope. Say no and don't feel bad about it. Enjoy these last few months of actually not being responsible for another small person!

SandyY2K · 20/04/2019 10:31

Part of being a parent is getting up early when your kids wake up.

Your DP can get his son breakfast and return to bed.

I've never restricted my DC to their bedrooms when they wake up early. They're free to go downstairs and watch TV if they want to. It's hardly going to kill or harm them watching some TV.

People expect kids to wake up early...that's why the kids shows are on TV early.

Bring the cereal out of the cupboard to where he can reach and he can just pour milk on.

Far too much fuss being created over a none issue.

It's lovely that he likes hanging out with you though. Very sweet.

Ohyesiam · 20/04/2019 10:42

But he can make his own breakfast and leave you in peace. He’s acknowledged that you are ill so it is a short step to Treating you right because of it.
It doesn’t need to be that complicated.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 20/04/2019 11:08

You are not being mean to stick to the existing plan but you could give your DSS some choices.

He stays in his room till 7.30am when he wakes his DF who gets him breakfast OR
He gets up any time he hears you (or at an agreed time) and comes downstairs, if he wants, and makes his own breakfast, if he wants. He does not engage your attention other than to offer to make you a cup of tea/slice of toast.

This way he is in charge of himself and might actually be helpful to you. You may want to explain this is a temporary arrangement until baby is born or you may decide to make it permanent.

LatentPhase · 20/04/2019 11:50

It would be weird for him to stay in his room while you are up, surely, especially as it sounds like you guys have a good relationship.

I can’t fathom why a box of cereal can’t be left on the side for dss to make his own breakfast.

Problem solved + some more independence for him.

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