Nothing for Mother's Day

[AccidentallyRunToWindsor]

Usually I get a card or presents from my DSC for Mother's Day but I've had nothing today things are bad between DH and me but I really thought that he would still sort something or they would have at least asked him to sort something?

I've been their stepmum for 11 years, they are 16 and 14 so not little.

It's really knocked me and I feel so sad about it.

That's hard OP. Does your DH normally sort it or do they do themselves?

They have pocket money but usually DH would take them to buy something, just something small normally but usually something nice along with a card.

There have been two occasions this weekend DH has been to the shop with them and not me so I assumed he would get something then

He doesn't love me anymore and I think we're splitting up so I get he might not want to be nice to me, but surely DSC would have considered that I diddnt get anything and ask him about it.

We have them every weekend, I pay for everything when they are with us, I paid to take them to the USA for a week last year but not even a card?

Sorry to carry on, I'm just really sad about it.

It's sounding like you get used financially in this marriage.

It looks like he's deliberately not helped them to get you a card. Does he help them to buy for their mum as well?

He doesn't love me anymore

Sorry to hear this.

In light of this,
it's quite possible that even if they asked, he diverted their attention away and steered them off course.

@SandyY2K I'm the higher earner so I usually pick up most costs tbh

No we never buy gifts for their mum for Mother's Day, birthdays etc and She doesn't for him either, just the way it's always been.

I know they have got their mum a present because their stepdad took them shopping.

No offence but you're not their Mum??

OP paid for them to go on holiday and doesn't say how long she knows them, how much caring she does etc

I saw lots of stepmother cards in the shops and think it's quite right when lots of stepmothers are mothering.

She says the kids are there every weekend. A card wouldn't go amiss?

I've been their stepmum for 11 years, we have them every weekend and 50% of the school holidays. I do all the usual parenting bits when they are with us plus go to parents evenings, school plays and all the rest of it.

It doesn't matter that she's not their mum. She's their stepmum. And they normally get her a card and a gift so perfectly natural that she'd be hurt if they stop.

It's hurtful, but try not to concentrate on it. If your relationship with him is probably over, start concentrating on yourself. Do something nice for yourself. And I would stop paying for them.
Just because your DH "doesn't love you anymore" doesn't prevent him from being nice (unless you're fighting then it could be understandable I guess), so it says something about him.

I’m sorry you’re upset but it sees from what you say asif it has been driven by your DH in the past, as you say he took them to get you something. And now he and you are probably splitting, he didn’t take them so you didn’t get anything.

I’m sorry you’re upset x

So sorry op. I would be inclined to blame your partner for nothing on Mother's day ...not the children. They have probably been reminded by your partner in the past and if he isn't being great to you at the moment it looks like he hasn't encouraged them. I hate to say it but he might even have discouraged them.

Kids of that age go through pocket money at a rate on knots. If reminded good kids keep something back for things like this. If they've been caught short and op wouldn't lend them a little they would be stuck.

You are having a bad time ...if these kids are fond of you and they sense the relationship is shaky they will possibly quietly be having a bad time as well. Hope things improve.

Thankyou for your kind words folks. I'm not cross with the kids and I really hope they don't know that I am upset, I would hate them to feel guilty.

I am sorry Oo, I suspect he is showing seeds to them about your relationship possibly blaming you. They will feel conflicted.

How did he separate from his 1st wife was he amicable or bitter? It will give you an indication of how he might treat you.
I hope you haven't given up too much to be with him.
Ex had a 1st wife who I now know suffered the same cycle as I did, idealised, devalued, I left before the discard. I was very naive to him and just assumed the best.

@AccidentallyRunToWindsor

We have them every weekend, I pay for everything when they are with us, I paid to take them to the USA for a week last year

I suspect he wouldn't be able to have his current living conditions without your financial contribution to the household.

As the higher earner, you're valuable in enhancing the enjoyment of his DC when they come over.

Living with a husband who doesn't love you will affect your mental health and wellbeing.

Rather than focus on a mother's day card/gift, you need to sort out your relationship. The fact is he has deliberately not supported them in getting you anything to hurt you. He's sending you a very clear message here.

Sadly it is likely that he was the one making sure you got something and thry just wnet along with it for peace and quiet. This year he didn't if he thinks you won't be together any longer. You are not their mum so there was no reason for them to get you a card in the first place unless they did consider you like a second mum. Did they? Will you still see them regularly if you break up? They might be protecting themselves emotionally too thinking that you might be gone from their lives for good too if you do seperate from their dad.