Step son

[Fifedad78]

As my partner and I plan a future together a big stumbling block is my relationship with her son, I can’t seem to make a connection with him, our parenting styles are very different and it’s difficult to negotiate where the boundaries are in terms of where I start over stepping the mark in relation to me not being his dad etc

Sounds like your plans for a future together need to be taken very slowly with a plan date far in the future at the moment so that you can determine if it gets better and you indeed have a future together. If you can't get to that point of liking him and accept him for who he is rsther than who you think he should be, then your future together will not be a happy one for anyone.

@Fifedad78 - do you need to 'parent' him right now? Or can you just be his mum's partner and a warm, caring adult in his life for the time being and let her be his parent?

I’ve never mentioned I didn’t like him, bit of a leap there.....
As for parenting, no I am not looking to be a parent to him, however there is still a responsibility especially if I look after him, either on his own or my with my son, more so why my son (who is younger) is copying things that ordinarily I would not like him doing.

Maybe talk to his Mum about the behaviors you don't want your son emulating. Or, in a pointed tone, say, "