Being Introducted to my partners daughter

[20yroldstudent]

Hi,
Ive been with my partner a little over a year and I’m starting to worry he isn’t as interested in me meeting his daughter (4yr) . He is on good terms with his daughters mum and sees his daughter regularly and i have really tried to show interest in his daughters life and how shes getting on etc. She knows her dad has a girlfriend and i really want to meet her but he just says ‘one day’. The thing thats started to worry me most is his daughter being close with her mums boyfriend whos shes only been with around 3-4 months and i guess i am almost jealous that im waiting so long to meet her. Were a very serious couple and already know we want to live together etc. How can i talk to him about this without feeling like im initiating something i would like for him to choose naturally?

My advice here is just to ease off a little and stop overthinking it. It doesn’t matter how much you want to meet her, the important thing is what is best for this little girl. Your partner and her mum decide that. If you’ve made it clear that you are open to it and would like to meet her, I think the rest is up to her parents.

Regardless of what you want, it's your boyfriend's decision.

What's his reasoning for waiting that long? Over a year is a long time and you need to meet her and see him parenting to decide if this is a really a serious relationship you want to be in.

I would be concerned that he is not treating the relationship with you seriously.

already know we want to live together etc.

If that's true, it will inevitably happen. I don't see the rush. Maybe he thinks her being introduced to the boyfriend is enough to get used to for now.

Just enjoy your time with him. When you're introduced and living together, it won't necessarily all be fun and games and happy families. So make the most of this time.

Are you concerned that others doesn't see your relationship as serious compared to the mums?

Tbh given that you're together a year AND the fact that his exp was happy to introduce a bf after a few months I think you'd be well advised to ask why an introduction hasn't occurred. Like @WhiteCat1704 says - you need to see him parenting & see how you factor in to the wider family dynamic before you can have any real idea as to whether this is or is not a serious relationship.
If he's telling you he's serious wants to live with you then I think it's very strange that he hasn't suggested you meet his dd.

I’m a bit surprised you haven’t met her after a year if you’re a serious couple. It must also rule out quite a lot of time if he’s seeing his DD and you aren’t there. I met my DSD after 6 months so I could only see DH every other weekend which felt quite hard at the time.
More importantly though is that the relationship you build with his DD will be important to your future and for a lot of parents they can’t judge whether a relationship is serious or not until they see a partner with their child.

If you're 20 as per your username, he might think you're quite young and not ready.

I wouldn't want my 20 year old DD, to be serious with a man with a child.

I think you need to talk to him about what his reservations are. It may be that he compartmentalises his life and feels anxious about how to be with both you and his DD both at once. But he should be able to explain the reasons.

It may also be worth emphasising that you're not looking to be introduced in a grand fashion as her new stepmum. Just as a new friend of her dad's. Four year olds have very little understanding of any difference between a friend who's a girl and a girlfriend. She's presumably met other friends of her parents times hasn't she? So meeting you really shouldn't be a big deal.

I agree completely with what others have said that you really can't know whether this relationship can work until you see how he is with his daughter, and nor can he.

What pps are saying makes sense but there's also another possibility.

You only have his word that he sees his dd when he does if at all and that the relationship with ex is amicable.

At this point you only know what he's told you.

I didn’t meet my DSD until we had been together for two years. Her mum was being difficult and DP didn’t want to rock the boat too much. We were in no great rush as it allowed us to have the “relationship before kids” part if that makes sense? It’s not a bad thing IMO to be a solid, established couple before kids are involved.

Also should add that we are now another 2 and a half years done the line and DSD is beside herself with excitement about being flower girl at our wedding this summer.
Just in case anyone thinks the delay meeting DSD meant we weren’t a serious couple.