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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

When do you tell DSC they're having a half sibling?

33 replies

Needadoughnut · 09/03/2019 11:57

It will be one year of joint household by the time baby is born. Baby is very planned and loved. My DD doesn't like the idea of having a sibling in general but she's an only child so understandable. His DC are ok for the most part we all get along. I have a very close relationship with his DD ( so much that there's sometimes competition between her and my DD). His DS might be unhappy as he's the least "on board" about all being one family from time to time but things have settled. Do we tell them together? Separately? We know is has to be about the same time, ideally before I start showing.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

stuffedpeppers · 09/03/2019 20:24

You sit them all down and tell them together and you let the SDCs mother know before they go home.

Less than a year of blending before the baby is born, is asking young kids both yours and his to take this well. A lot of reassurance particularly for your daughter, if she struggles with your relationship with SDD - a new baby is going to stretch her ability to cope with Mum not being hers, start slowly reducing your intense relationship with SDD - she is going to really resent your withdrawal once the baby is here and your DP better spend some time with his DS and reassure him .

It is what it is and timing is not perfect - good luck!

user1498572889 · 09/03/2019 20:39

Tell them before someone else does.

goldengummybear · 09/03/2019 21:07

Tell them all together then tell their mum afterwards. If she's the type who's likely to kick off or be visibly upset then text her while the kids are with you so she has time to cal down before the kids are returned to her.

Haveacupofcoffee · 09/03/2019 21:25

I’d wait until maybe after your 20 week scan so you have a better idea that everything is going well. I agree tell them all together and get your dp to tell his ex before they go home as they’re bound to be excited and want to talk about it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Snappedandfarted2019 · 09/03/2019 21:28

Why you not wait until you were more established in their lives before planning a baby, that’s beyong selfish no wonder they might react badly what did you expect? Blending families should be taken with care.

scissorsandpen · 09/03/2019 21:28

In my case dsc wished unborn baby dead texted DH as much and claimed he would hurt DC . I assured dsc that no one would love them and look up to them or adore them as this new child they are ridiculously close so lovely to see. dsc was around 10 at the time

Haveacupofcoffee · 09/03/2019 21:56

snappedandfarted can I ask what you actually got out of making that post? Did it make you feel special? Did you get a sticker on your sanctimonious arsehole reward chart?
For all you know op may have been with her dp for years before meeting the children.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 09/03/2019 22:03

It will be one year of joint household by the time baby is born. Baby is very planned and loved

The dc haven’t even had chance to get their heads around living together before a new sibling is born.

SD1978 · 09/03/2019 22:13

I guess juts accept that they may not be as happy as you are. You've moved in and become oreganos this more or less immediately, giving them no time to get used to each other, before introducing a baby. You may be happy- but they most likely will be anything but. Support that, and understand why.

SD1978 · 09/03/2019 22:19

Bloody hell- that was blended. Not sure where herbs came into the equation.

Bluestitch · 09/03/2019 23:18

Couldn't you have waited a while? If you are who I think your DP's kids weren't even speaking to him a few months ago after he left their mother and your recent posts show a whole load of unhappiness. Why not wait until things were more stable before throwing another grenade into their lives? Expect them to be unhappy and resentful, and maybe your boyfriend should look into getting his kids counselling.

SD1978 · 09/03/2019 23:33

@Bluestitch- ooooooohhhhh! Is it nite?!?!?! Bloody hell- if so, the gift that continues to give 🤣🤣🤣

crazyconfused · 09/03/2019 23:37

Wow there is some crazy hate! She is pregnant already and whatever choice Op has made there isn't any need to take your own righteousness out on her.
My dp ex was like that, her dd was the first and she should remain the only. well now she has her 2nd, and her dd has to just deal with it, plus her current dp has 3 other dc.
You never know where life takes you.

Bluestitch · 09/03/2019 23:39

SD yep! Had to create new drama to post about prolifically I guess.

SD1978 · 09/03/2019 23:46

@crazyconfused- please don't defend OP if it's nite. You clearly haven't read any of the self absorbed, selfish and downright nasty crap that woman is capable of. If it's not, then I apologis but stand by the comment of don't expect happy families immediately

SD1978 · 09/03/2019 23:47

@Bluestitch- and the dog. Don't forget the poor dog 😂😂😂

crazyconfused · 09/03/2019 23:57

If?...
I'm not going to guess each poster or check up on them.

And the comments made, I didn't highlight anyone's, did I?
Plus I didn't stick up, I give an opinion based on my experience, which has come up and been mention on mn before.
People rushing families is wrong but also causing fights because of other children is wrong too.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/03/2019 00:03

I win, I win! Though I wasn’t the only one to predict this post several months ago.

I must have missed the latest updates bluestitch, what’s been occurring? Not the happy ever that was expected?

Bluestitch · 10/03/2019 00:07

Kids don't like visiting and spending time with them, who'da thunk it. The DSS even ran away to avoid contact. I'm sure a baby will be a really welcome surprise.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/03/2019 00:11

Ah. I’m sure it’s all their mother’s fault... Life in their tiny village must be fun.

goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 00:35

Thanks for pointing out this is niteandfog. How predictable that the adults stormed ahead and planned a baby rather than help the children recover from their parents' selfish actions. Poor kids

poppingoff · 10/03/2019 00:45

"Stormed" doesn't even cut it. This isn't the first pregnancy.

Poor, poor kids.

goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 00:50

Holy fuck. Why are some people intent of fucking up their kids?

SD1978 · 10/03/2019 00:53

Last I read they wanted to have the life they deserved and a big holiday/honeymoon in USA- can someone catch me up, or point me in the right direction? Obviously decided this would have more impact- maybe the drama in real life was dying down too much......

poppingoff · 10/03/2019 00:57

Yes, is this definitely her? I apologise for my last post if it isn't. The mere mention of her just makes me feel disgust.

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