DH ex comments to DSS about new baby

[cocodash]

Have DSS who is of primary age. have him 2 days one week and 3 the next. all good. great relationship with him, have never had any issues. Me and DH are now expecting our first baby together. DSS cant wait to be big brother.

Currently me and DH work full time and DSS mum works part time in the afternoons 3 days a week. DSS goes to after school club the 3 days where his mum is working which he absolutly hates.

I was talking to DSS about why he hates it so much and he said it didnt matter as he wouldnt be going for much longer. I asked him what he meant. He said his mum told him that once the baby is here i would be picking him up from school as i wouldnt be working.

I have not been asked this and feel a bit annoyed that she has put this idea into DSS head before talking to me or DH about it. i dont mind helping out where i can and when i am able BUT i dont want to have to dictate my maternity leave around picking DSS up from school and then dropping him home when his mum gets in from work.

how would you approach this?

Very odd.
I wouldn't be happy to be given this role, I guess it depends if you all share care for dss.
Or is his dad the one who parents him.
But I'd be worried about the expectation of you dragging a newborn out to still go get dss. And will he get his space back at asc or will you have to have him as there's no where else for him to go.

Could she collect DS from you if you do pick up. Who picks him up normally on the days he is with you?
She is being manipulative and unfair on you and DS.
Can DH do some pick upping ?
Personally I would not want to be tied to any primary school pick ups they are a pain grumpy Nana here

I'd have a chat with your partner first and make sure he is aware of what's going on. It's also to check he hasn't accidentally said anything to imply you would be doing the picking up.

Then get him to talk to his ex to discuss why his son hates the after school club and also to ask why she assumes you'll be picking up after the baby is here. He needs to lay it out there that you won't be doing the picking up and instead they need to be focusing on why their son doesn't like the club.

Wow..

I would say to your DH a firm NO to this and let him deal with the ex.

as it usually stands just now, on days where DSS stays with us i usually get DSS from his mums on my way home from work if im available but i usually organise this with DH and not through her.

Im always happy to spend time with DSS but im a bit put out at the thought she has assumed that i will be on beck an call to pick up child care responsibilities on her set days. and i think she would be expecting me to pick him up from asc then take him home to our house for 2 hours until she returns home from work and then would expect him to be dropped back off. (she doesnt drive)

WoW I would be surprised if you are happy about this, as I certainly wouldn't be. Your maternity leave is for you and your baby. In some situations when a mother who is pregnant will make arrangements to be the older child into day care so she has one on one time with her new born. I would be uncomfortable with the arrangement.

A bit put out? She’s having a chuckle. Just say no. They’re her days, she sorts them. You don’t work for her.

Haha cheeky bitch!

1. On her days it’s her responsibility to sort out her own childcare, not yours.

2. Your maternity leave won’t last forever so she’s fucking stupid for wanting to give up his place should you want to go back to work.

3. You didn’t agree to anything.

4. Your maternity leave is not for her benefit. She’ll be the one who gains from it by saving money. Is she going to give you a cut if it?

5. She’s nasty for telling her son that and putting you on the spot.

Oh, and she’s NOT your boss. The sooner you nip this in the bud the better.

im glad you agree with where my train of thought was going that i dont want to commit to it and to point blank say no.

my only worry is that somehow she turns it against me with DSS and makes out that i cant get him because of baby. (she has form for spitting the dummy when she doesnt get he own way but thats a diff story) The last thing i want is for DSS to feel second best when baby gets here.

@handsfull13 his reason for hating asc is that its boring, for babies, none of his pals are there and he would much rather be home playing the xbox. lol

think will be best to have a chat with DSS and DH together and then DH can tell her this wont be happening

Let your DH sort it out. If you sit down with your stepson any husband things might get turned against you. Its between your DH and his ex to sort not yours.

His mum is bang out of order and very manipulative for putting it in his head to try and get you to agree to it. Emotional blackmail that’s what it is.
How old is your dss op?

Maybe when your DH explains it to your DSS (I’d do that before telling the ex so she can’t turn it round..but also let ex know before dropping him back so he’s not used as a messenger!) can he say something like, it won’t be possible as Coco will be at boring baby clubs or similar?

Before going all gun blazing, I'd asked her what she said. Kids at that age can twist what they hear.

She could have said that if he was not feeling too welk, you might be able to pick him up and he interpreted it as meaning you could pick him up every time.

I hope your DH hasn't dropped you in it here. It's highly presumtuious of her and very cheeky.

Perhaps she should look into having him go home with one of his friends and she returns the favour. It really isn't your problem though.