To be extremely confused by dp ex!

[crazyconfused]

So basically dp has taken his ex to court because she continually starts contact then stops it, due to concerns she has or because she has made plans on his eow. There is more to it but not really important to my post. Dsd is 5.

So, this is where I'm confused. Court order 4 fortnightly session at a contact centre then dp's parents and him fortnightly contact until the 2nd hearing.

Well it has taken her 6 weeks to agree the first session, then after the first session she ignored the request to confirm the next 3 session by the centre and instead instructed her solicitor to raise her concerns about them. She didn't think they greeted her dd properly, that the dad provided the wrong food ( juice and sandwiches) and the dd got wet when they went to the toilet and dad didn't clean her properly and the centre should be supervising better.

Well she receive a response back that basically put her in her place and reminded her to confirm the dates and next time please do not take 2 weeks to raise concerns. She's now not responding.

I'm just wondering has anyone had to deal with another parent delaying the contact centre, and what was the out come at court?
I don't understand why in hell her solicitor would help her complain such silly concerns to the contact centre, it just looks likes she preventing contact. Especially as she still hasn't confirmed and contact is meant to happen on Sunday. She didn't even have the report from the session yet (which was really positive) which I thought her solicitor may try and pick apart.
Her solicitor has jumped in with a complaint after one session and let her client dig herself a big hole. Why? Am I missing something?
Also dp is self represented, so not the best at challenging the solicitor, so his ex was already in a better position.

Essentially, the solicitor is doing what her client wants her to. She'll offer advice on what to do, and how to behave, but there's not much she can do if her client wants to behave like this.

Thank you for your reply, I'm just shocked, maybe more because it was directed to the centre and they obviously weren't going to accept that they weren't doing their job. Plus her solicitor had been very good so far twisting everything my dp has done or said.

So the fact that contact has been put into a contact Center tells me that she has basically said supervised contact is required and the court has agreed to it. Which IME only happens if he court have grounds to make that change, or if the things she raised in the first hearing are sufficiently concerning enough that they require investigation. Which can happen - even if allegations prove to be unfounded.

The reason she continues to make allegations is twofold. 1) to provoke a reaction from your DP. 2) to try and build evidence in the run up to the next hearing.

My response is this.

1. do not react to anything.
2. no communication unless written and then it is brutually factual, brief and to the point
3. document all the delays. And speak to the contact Center about the allegations she has raised. Be super calm, open and ask if they have any feedback on what she has said regarding their observations on contact. Basically you want to co-operate fully in a child focussed manner and not even dwell on the whys and how’s of what she’s doing.

She’s doing it because she can. And she’ll continue to. She’s also not really dug herself into a hole truth be told. Because all she will say is she had ‘xyz’ concerns and as a mother has reported them. Primary careers can actually push the system massively because on balance DC are attached and these people are massively important to he emotional well-being of the DC.
It sadly takes a lot before a judge even thinks about doing anything to a primary carer and if her solicitor / barrister know that, then they will be telling her to get as much evidence as possible. If it’s in writing. It’s evidence.

I hate to say this, but please do not under estimate how many flaws there are in the current system and they are seriously ill equipped to deal with primary careers who are determined to make contact with the NRP as fraught, difficult and stressful as possible. All they need to do is make up allegations about not properly looked after, not cleaned properly, dehydration. And that’s termed neglect. She makes enough of those claims, investigations get opened. Nothing found? Absolutely no repercussions on her.

Teflon up. Don’t let her get to you. Minimal to no communication. And work with the experts around the children, especially the schools if the DC are in school. The schools are incredibly important

Thank you @stealthmode
They has been no dv or ea. The contact centre was advise by cafcass because she raised concerns about his parenting from 2014, when dsd fell off the bed and another time she banged her head on the Changing table, which dp agreed happen and the length of time the dsd hadn't seen her dad it was an interm order.
Even though cafcass said they aren't going to do a report.
She maybe trying to get a reaction but dp isn't like that at all, he's just calm and finds it hard to explain himself or defend himself personally.
The complaints were over such small things though, and now she won't confirm.
Dp's complaint in court was that she does this, makes him believe he's a useless dad and to be honest if I hadn't seen it myself I would swear there was more to it.

@stealthmode thank you 🙏 I will tell dp this.
My main concern is dd because she is really being prevented and it's all pointless and it does really worry me the affect it will have on her.
Dp ex just can't not stop hating him and acting as the victim, and this is why he was happy with the contact centre because the report would show he isn't this crap dad but also he has minimum communication because of his job so can't risk a false Allegation.