Half sibling issues .

[Mummyof2x]

Basically I have an half sibling who is older than I. I also have full siblings the issue is my other full siblings don't really make any effort with older half siblings ,as their view is like the half sibling hasn't been a part of my life and never tried to make any effort before so don't see why I should bother .
Anyways I am in a situation where intially I interacted with this older half sibling ,but constantly bombarded with problems or their feelings of the father we share . Such as I don't care about him, if he dies he I will not go to his funeral .if he ever gets ill I will not care for him .I never liked him, he nothing to me . I explained that I think these views are unfair since it was your mother that prevented you having a realtionship with him, plus a big part of the problem is actually yourself as they never made any effort .( Unable to actually express this point, but that's my real thoughts.) My dad has constantly made a effort and also reached out by offering to drop of presents ,items and money for grandchildren and the half sibling when he could . This half sibling seem to constantly make some excuse why he cannot visit at that time ,but on the others hands claims he doesn't care . I am at the point where I don't know what to do and they don't seem to have any positive impact in my life other than moan about past situations and my father. Any advise please ? I am thinking it best to cut complete contact for now and think moving forward this may be the best idea. But at the same time feel sorry for them and it nothing personal against them it just I cannot tolerate the mood swings and the emotional issues they have . Part of me thinks it like attention seeking behaviour and when they feel like for example my dad isn't going chase them around apologising for everything that happened even though he has they have an major outburst. It would be nice to know from others if this may be the case ? Part of me thinks if these views are true , than why keep in contact with my father ? Why, not just walk away .

There are two sides to every story. And your experience of your dad is not your sibling’s experience.

There are a couple of things which stand out for me:

• Your sibling’s mum brought him up on her own. You can’t possibly be aware of the difficulties she may have faced and the impact of that on your sibling. To blame her is hardly going to foster a good relationship between you.
• Presents/gifts are usually given freely without any expectation of hosting/going round and being let in. Your sibling may simply not feel comfortable or in the right place emotionally to have your dad in his personal space. You seem to be saying (I might have it wrong) that unless dad gets what he wants - to hand over gifts in person - gifts are not given. Why can’t they go in the post or be left with a ring of the doorbell and a ‘can’t stop, just thought I’d drop these off, speak soon’? In other words, give without conditions or control or expectation and see if it helps improve things.
• Your dad may need to apologise. He may well be in the wrong. Being open to discussion and being prepared to hear another side is a sign of maturity and acceptance. Few parents will never have their grown up children challenge some aspect of their parenting, regardless of circumstances. It is OK to say ‘I think I did what was best at the time but I can see now how that might have hurt you’.

Your sibling maintains contact rather than walk away because they want a relationship with their parent. Not sure it needs to be anything more, does it?

No he give them regardless . He sent around the other children to send them but we ask and we just get excuses such as I am busy not in etc. So what can we do ? Leave them on the doorstep or don't bother. And usually we just leave it as we don't want to just come unaounce so that why he would ask before hand or my sister would . Like I said the half sibling will speak to him as if they have no issue, but on the other hand moans that they don't like their father . So it confusing messages . Than say they don't care etc. I appreciate that she had a difficult life but that not really my issue and it shouldn't be taken out on me . All I am is the person who trying to form a realtionship with someone who constantly uses the past and brings up the past . I told them I am not taking no-one sides here and that all i trying to do it let them see past this . They don't have to like him but I shouldn't be force to listen to their feelings everyday . And if I don't sing to their tunes
or agree with there views it become an argument . Or if I don't respond back within a certain time frame I am bombarded with messages until you have to block them . Even if I explain I have children I am not available atm it taken the wrong way and unless the conversation isn't focus on her problems and feelings than nothing else is said

I spent my whole time knowing her talking about her life , her father her mother . How in so many words basically why am I born tbh or the rest of my full siblings are .I cannot recall any positive conversation about everyday life without it referring back to our dad . And like I said the direction of the conversation don't go her way , it pretty much like good bye now . Or once her problem are offloaded and she feel better it like well bye . (Not literally bye ,but the conversation ends)

Not just that she approached me about him intially which my response is, he could be busy hence why he didn't respond or didn't see your message. Which than turns to yes he did blah blah blah what do u say from there ?. Well I don't know Why don't see why it my issue anyways .

It doesn’t sound like they bring anything positive to your life.

Can you try saying, look I don’t want to keep talking about dad - we just end up talking in circles and getting nowhere. Tell me about your job/family/holiday etc

If she won’t let you talk about anything else and gets annoyed then you can end the conversation. You’re not her therapist/verbal punchbag!