DSD not wiping properly after the toilet

[SarahH12]

I do the washing in our house and I've noticed DSD who's 7 has stains on her underwear so is obviously not wiping properly. How would you handle this?

My DS is 7 and occasionally does this - he also occasionally complains his bottom is itchy.
I usually say "oh dear, you've got to wipe it properly you know" when he says that, and then offer to wipe with a wet wipe or for him to do it (he usually chooses to do it himself and he is getting better at wiping properly - he has some SEN but no real delay, but it may be linked).
In your situation I'd get your DP to have a word "ooh if you don't wipe properly your bottom will get itchy, let's have a proper wipe with a wet cloth before your bath" and she will probably choose to do it herself.

Remember not to flush wet wipes down the toilet (MN obsession there!) - we use a flannel or DD's washable wipes, they are much more sturdy anyway.

Thing is it's not just bottom, it's when she goes for a wee too. And then the only time I know about it is when I'm washing her clothes.

Well, the same applies, she will get itchy, her dad needs to have a word, and a good solution is to give her a proper wet wipe daily (and every time he does it, make her aware it's not hygienic).

I totally agree with you re itchiness and unhygienic. How / when does he bring it up though? I think it'd be very uncomfortable for him to say "oh btw DSD we noticed your underwear has wee and poo stains in, are you wiping properly" and I'm not quite sure how he can approach it.

What kind of relationship do you have with her mum. Is it something you could ask her if she's noticed/ having same problem. Then either she'll say she can talk to dsd or give advice how to mention it.

If you can't speak to her mum about it I guess her dad needs to talk to her. Ask her if she's ok with wiping because you've noticed her undies are a little dirtier then usual.

It might be she doesn't like your toilet paper so she avoids using it.

We find bath time is ideal as you can CLAIM to see she's dirty even if she isn't!

We have this; DSD would get very embarrassed if her dad says anything so he mentioned it to her mum and I also remind her sometimes when she’s on the way to the toilet

DSD would get very embarrassed if her dad says anything

I'm not surprised. I'd be embarrassed too but my dad saying something like that. Tbh the relationship with Mum isn't great and she dismisses any and all concerns raised by DP.

Considering speaking with Mum is not an option, as a child would you rather your Dad or your stepmum bringing this up?

I think it depends on the relationship you have with her. I would think my DSD would be more comfortable with me bringing it up, than her dad. Does she talk to you about other personal stuff?

We recently had a false alarm when we thought my DSD had started her period. Her dad asked if mum had spoken to her about growing up and periods etc and she said no, but people at school had - he asked if she wanted him to get me to come and check everything was okay and she said she would prefer that, so I was happy to help.

Prior to this, I would have proably erred on the side of caution and asked DP to approach any personal issues

At 7 I don't think she'll be that embarrassed to talk about it to either of you. Just don't make a big deal of it.
Can you get some kandoo wipes and tell her they are for her, to make sure she gets her bottom nice and clean when she goes to the toilet. But make sure she knows NOT TO FLUSH THEM but put them in the bin. Then as she comes out of the toilet say "did you use the wipes?" Yes! "Did you flush the toilet?" Yes! "Did you wash your hands with soap?" Yes!