Over sensitive or not?

[badstepmommy23456]

Dd is at the stage where she thinks she's an adult - wants to express her opinions, join in conversations etc can come across as cheeky / arsey at times. I don't deny this. I have no rose coloured glasses. She's 13.
However today she's wound up her big (half) sister who has been complaining to bigger (half) sister. All fine & normal.
But eldest DSD has gone straight to DH (who's at work).
I'm feeling useless and like I've fooled myself for years that the big girls can come to me ....
Don't want to drip feed - eldest DSD has lived with us, second DSD hasn't. Both elder girls are in their twenties. They know I Mumsnet so have NC'd - and if they are reading this, dads in work so I have no one to discuss this with so have posted on here in a safe environment.

They are in their twenties and still have to bother Daddy who is at work with news of their squabbles? Teenagers annoy older siblings, half siblings or full. It's what they do. Why they feel the need to run to their dad who isn't even on hand to deal with the situation is ridiculous really. That sends the message that you either aren't capable of or willing to deal with it. How are things usually?

Usually ok, we have our ups and downs, but she often runs to daddy if I do something with the littler ones that she disagrees with.
ie "yes DD(2) you can go to the shop on your own (10yo)" she disagrees.
But instead of saying something to me, she calls dad to tell him and he agrees with her (some additional needs but I thought it would be ok). So she has got form .....

Reading this I have a dp problem don't I?

Yes you do op!

Are they half sisters or step sisters?

You are feeling sensitive because SDs don't come to you if there's a problem or that the 13 year old disagrees with you about how to handle your own kids?

In the first case, I guess you would like to feel important and you don't. It's a normal feeling, but at the end, no matter how you take care of stepchildren, they still prefer going to their parents. It's normal. Try just not to pay attention. Normally at their age, they should be able to solve their problems. Why do you need them? Let your DH deal with them if he didn't teach them to resolve issues.

In the second case, I would sit her down and tell her that these are your children and you will decide what's best for them.
I had kind of this experience with SS, who at 14 decided that he didn't agree what I was doing with my own son (from previous relationship) and would try to put him against my rules. But my DH told him off, because it was not his business. He eventually grew out of this.
SD at 11 also started telling me what to do with my baby (her half brother), after a while my DH talked to her and she's better now.
So you should talk to your DH too. If DH respects you, he would never think that it's ok for a child to complain about what you do with your own kids. I just can't understand how some kids imagine that they can tell the adult what to do with their own children! Not all teenagers do that!