Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Vaccinations

30 replies

Flippityflo · 02/03/2019 09:05

A bit of an aibu and wwyd! My step children have had absolutely no vaccinations ever and their mom feels strongly anti vac. They are both now teens (just!) And I feel quite strongly that they should have their MMR and tetanus, especially as we are planning on going camping this summer. Dp feels it will just start a war with their mum as she gets very upset when its mentioned and they are getting on well at the moment. Does anyone else have experience/advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LatentPhase · 02/03/2019 09:18

Leave it alone.

You’re well meaning but aren’t their parent.

You know she’ll get upset.

You’re highly unlikely to change her mind so it seems pointless to damage relationships over.

Pick your battles. You won’t win this one.

WhiteCat1704 · 02/03/2019 16:00

And I feel quite strongly that they should have their MMR and tetanus, especially as we are planning on going camping this summer
If they are teens mumps, rubella or measles aren't particularly dengerous to them. You can get tetanus after(if) the injury/bite occurs.

It's really not your decision to make.

Laloup1 · 02/03/2019 16:31

OP I sympathise. I don’t have any useful advice to offer but just to say that would horrify me too and in your shoes I would keep working on your DP to try and persuade him to get their vaccinations underway.

SparklySneakers · 02/03/2019 17:25

I couldn't be with a man who left his children at risk like that. Poor kids and irresponsible parents.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 02/03/2019 17:28

Teens can surely be offered the appropriate NHS info on the subject?
Their choice now imo.

Blondiecub0109 · 02/03/2019 17:31

‘If they are teens mumps, rubella or measles aren’t particularly dangerous to them them’

Bollocks. My husband had been left with an abysmal sperm count due to mumps as a teenager. We had to do IVF- with ICSI to get our son.

Unfortunately OP I don’t think it’s a battle you can win at this point. Can you start sowing the seeds and support them to get vaccinated once they are 18?

dementedpixie · 02/03/2019 17:37

My brother is deaf in one ear from having mumps as a teenager so it's not always a benign illness. What ages are the children?

CanILeavenowplease · 02/03/2019 18:14

This is something for the parents to deal with. Really not your place.

Original poster

Flippityflo · 02/03/2019 23:41

Thankyou for the replies. My gut feeling was to leave alone but recent news reports on the dangers/prevalence of measles have freaked me out. I would hate anything to happen but will do my best to butt out. They are young teens but its a good idea to sow a few seeds for when they are older ;-)

OP posts:

Pinkybutterfly · 03/03/2019 14:31

Why did their dad allow this to happen when they were little? If I was him I would have a chat with the boys and ask them what they want to do. They are old enough to understand and make an informed choice.

Bellatrix14 · 03/03/2019 14:40

I can see why you’re worried, but as others have said you can’t really do too much about it if their father is unwilling to upset their mother. It is something to consider if you and your partner choose to have children together though... If you haven’t already that is! I take it he is not anti vac?

Original poster

Flippityflo · 03/03/2019 17:13

We have a big blended family already so no plans for more! Mine are all well jabbed so was just worrying myself about taking his away with us after hearing a few measles horror stories.

OP posts:

Anuta77 · 03/03/2019 19:06

She's their mother and she feels strongly that she's doing what's best for them. There are reasons why some people are against vaccins. Why do you think that you care more about her kids than her?

My DH's ex criticised my choice of giving birth to my second child (first with him) with a midwife. According to her, who is a nurse and who had 2 elective s-sections, she knew better than me and was worried about what could happen to our baby. More worried than me? It damaged our relationship a lot.

ShabbyAbby · 03/03/2019 19:14

Vaccinations don't fully cover them, especially MMR after the first dose, even after the booster it's only 90% or so
So they wouldn't be completely covered now anyway
Not many issues I would encourage court over but tbh I would take this to family court for a Specific Issue Order if I was your DH
It's not just his kids that are at risk, if they get one of these infections it can spread to people who can't be immunised, are immunocomprimised, elderly/sick etc. As well as driving down herd immunity and actually putting their immunised friends and family at risk too

ShabbyAbby · 03/03/2019 19:16

Also they don't give the MMR out because those viruses don't cause an issue
They can cause reproductive issues, deafness, brain damage and even death. The reason that doesn't happen so much now? Vaccinations! And only down to vaccinations.
Ffs

Katterinaballerina · 03/03/2019 19:17

I don’t know if you’re in the Uk. If you are, the DC can choose to have the vaccines themselves if they meet Gillik competence.

Anuta77 · 03/03/2019 19:19

And court can order a parent to vaccinate their kids against their other parent's will? Not here.

Katterinaballerina · 03/03/2019 19:23

www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed118707

Yes, in the UK

drspouse · 03/03/2019 19:24

Adults leaving home who haven't had MMR are advised to get it especially if going to a germ breeding ground aka university.
I don't know the ins and outs of one parent agreeing and the other not but if your DH can agree unilaterally, I'd get tetanus sorted before camping.

Original poster

Flippityflo · 03/03/2019 19:35

Definitely don't think that I care more.. It's a difference of opinion not a competition. I haven't said anything as it did not seem to be my place and I heard from dp that she was very antivac whenever he broached it. Its the possible adult complications of the illnesses and the chance of spreading to others that bothers me but I think my original instinct to keep out of it is probably the best way to go for now. Thankyou

OP posts:

WhiteCat1704 · 03/03/2019 20:24

The only certain protection and life long immunity is if you actually get the illness. You can get ill even if you were vaccinated. I had all 3 as a child, as did most kids, and we are fine. MMR didn't exist yet. Compilations if you have it as a child are very rare.
Even flue can kill.

It doesn't change the fact that it's parental decision. Not step mothers business. If I was the mother and found out that my exes new partner is trying to meddle I would be furious.

ShabbyAbby · 03/03/2019 21:05

If your DH has parental responsibility he can take ex to court for one issue, and get a single issue order so they could get vaccinated if he could justify to a court why it would be in their (and the public's in this case) interest. Ex doesn't have to be listened to.
It wouldn't happen if neither parent wanted it, but if one did? Well, that's the point in having PR. So he can exercise it in areas such as vaccinations/health decisions.
What do you think would happen if the DCs needed a blood transfusion and only one parent agreed? There are ways

Anuta77 · 03/03/2019 21:11

If the father felt strongly about the issue, he could just take the kids to get vaccinated when they were with him. The ex would be upset the same way as if he takes her to court. But he doesn't seem to think it's necessary, so why instructing the OP to manipulate the husband (as if he doesn't have a head of his own) and the kids, just because the SM wants it? Generally SMs are advised to not get mixed up, so I guess the people advising to go against her are just pushing their provaccin views and don't actually give an advice that will be best for this particular family.

TwoRoundabouts · 03/03/2019 21:16

If the children are over 12 without special needs they can go get vaccinated themselves. They just need to ask their GP for all the vaccinations.

I remember going off to get my rubella vaccination at my GPs because my school was slack at doing it. My mum just said the doctor's surgery called on the phone you need to ring them back. I did and was told to come in for a rubella vaccination. My school eventually got around to vaccinating the rest of my year two terms later.

As a step-parent or other relative like an aunt the only thing you are allowed to tell them on this subject is the law but only if the indicate they have an interest in the subject. You must not bring up subjects like this yourself.

ShabbyAbby · 03/03/2019 21:41

@Anuta77

There are some issues where it's not just a case of personal preference
Like, the ex could decide she wouldn't take them to the dentist. I would expect Dad to fight that or do it in his time.
It is unfortunate it's the SM not the DF on here, but my advice stands. If he wants to he can take this to court

Flip

1 2