Telling my step daughter I'm pregnant.. advice?!

[MegCharlotte]

Hello, I have a step daughter who is 8. Myself and husband (her Dad, obviously!) have a great relationship with her and I have known her since she was 4. She never had any issues when we got married and I feel we've been extremely lucky in how positive she's always been with me in her life.
However, over the past few months she's voiced anxieties, some about her Mum meeting someone (she doesn't want her to) and another about us having a baby (as she doesn't want it to live with us full time and not her). I think her starting to have worries like this is reflective of her age, but I also think this is because she feels threatened that the bond between us (especially her dad) would be stronger with a child who was with us 100% of the time. I understand why she feels like this, but of course that would never be the case, and we know she'd be an amazing sister and it wouldn't impact how much we love her etc.
She lives about 30 mins away, we see her around 3/4 weekends and usually one night mid week.
Sorry for long post, but any tips/advice would be much appreciated to make this as easy for her as possible.

Aw bless her heart. I would say make it about HER. Yes you’re having a baby but she’s about to be a big sister! I’d celebrate her new upcoming role and How important her role is etc, get her involved. Also if she’s naturally anxious, I’d get dad to reassure her that just because the baby lives with him full time doesn’t make the baby More loved. I would involve her as much as possible but also make sure she has lots of one on one time. If you have a good relationship with her mum then I would also get mum on board to say how amazing it’ll be to have a little sibling at dads house etc.

Her anxieties will disappear once the baby is here and she realises she is just as loved as before

Ooh and congratulations!

@Baby1onboard11
Thank you so much for responding, that's great advice and I think you're right that getting her Mum on board is really important (and I think she would be happy to help)
Thank you again!

My immature 12yo SD was fine with the baby announcement but some time after (when it had sunk in) talked about it not being a "real" sibling as it wouldn't live with her all the time.

We reassured her it was and told her she got all the best bits of being a sister at the the weekend without having to deal With crying babies 24/7.

We have a great relationship with mum, so getting her on board helped. Also explaining love is infinite and when a new baby comes along you don't share your existing love, you add/make more for the new child.

Telling her tonight, wish us luck!

Good luck

One thing I think is nice when the baby is born is for the older sibling to get a present to celebrate becoming a big sibling.

Some mumsnetters disagree with getting presents on behalf of children but I think it's lovely for a big sister or brother to get a present from the new baby.

How did it go OP?!

It went pretty well, initially she was was shocked but seems happy/excited. First she proclaimed that she'd want it to be a little girl (which is what she says whenever anyone is pregnant) and then she quickly changed her mind to a boy, when we asked why, she said it's because she didn't want it to replace her.. we of course reassured her and said that would never happen etc etc.

Then she created a list of all boys and girl names she liked and asked lots of questions like, how did I know I was pregnant, are we excited etc. We were really careful to make it extra inclusive with her, eg not "yes we're so excited we're having a baby" and more, "yes it's exciting because it's a little brother/sister for you and we'll do so many fun things all together"

She had a wobble before bed with her dad about him not living with her full time but will be with the baby, but she was so tired and we expected that. He put her mind at ease as much as he could, and the next two days she was totally fine, the only thing she has stuck to is that she wants a brother not a sister. But we won't find out, so by the time the baby's born, and it becomes a reality rather than a scary unknown, I'm hoping she'll be fine!

We also gave her Mum a heads up and she said she'd be supportive and I am hoping will put her mind at ease, I think she will.

Thanks for all the advice! We will give her little perks of being a big sister (redecorating her room, getting her a big sister present when the baby is born etc!) - it's always good to bribe a little for positive reinforcement :)

So pleased it worked out for u