IVF test results and DSS

[whatdoyouwantfromme]

First IVF cycle. Results next weekend. dH and I planned low key weekend just us to deal with the results. Have DSS every other weekend. Access weekend due this weekend but he doesn't want to come. I'm now worried DSS will want to
Come next weekend when I'm an emotional mess. Is it ok to say that weekend doesn't suit us sorry? Just canvassing opinion before tackle DH, he's a don't worry about it till it happens type of guy. I
Don't really want to expose DSS to me if I'm a mess if it fails and I want to be with DH.

If you weren’t due to have him then, I think it’s reasonable to say up front that you’re sorry that you have plans that can’t be changed next weekend (so it’s not possible to swap weekends like you normally would,if that’s the case) but that maybe you could meet up on Wednesday and Thursday instead (for example, or whenever’s convenient).

Do you know why he doesn’t want to come - is he about to start half term or would he miss a friend’s party or does his mum want you to have him the next weekend because it works better with her plans? That might help in working out a response too (eg come to us after the party/sorry we can’t have him that weekend, you should haves checked with us first as it’s not normally a problem but it is this time/etc)

You don’t tackle your husband, you talk to him. You also don’t borrow trouble as he hasn’t asked yet so you don’t need to worry about it yet.

If you’re who I think you are then I expect DH will want to see his son.

If you’re not then just have a chat about what he thinks will work.

Sorry @AnneLovesGilbert don't know what you mean.
Sorry tackle just a turn of phrase, didn't mean anything by it. Love your phrase you don't borrow trouble, I am a worrier. Made worse by hormones.
DSS won't give us a reason, he just doesn't want to come, no parties that we can work around etc.

How old is your DSS? You need to discuss it with DH first and see what his opinion on it is.

Is it half term next week where you are? Could DH or you and DH not see his son a couple of days in the week instead?

I'd be the same as you OP, especially if this is a one off as it's clearly not a situation which happens every day. If you see DSS the week after you will hopefully be feeling more on an even keel and can be a bit more like yourself.

Also, I really, really hope the IVF is successful for you. Such a stressful time but try to stay positive (I know right, easier said than done)

I think you'd be right to put off any visitors this one weekend.
As others said. Don't borrow trouble!

Wait to see what is said.
If he does want to come apologise but say you've got pre arranged commitments. You're helping a friend move an hour away etc
If DH does say anything just say what you have here.

Thanks all, it came in conversation as DH saw DSS yesterday. DH agree's that it's best if we just have a low key weekend. DH brought it up and said if he wanted to come next weekend he'd talk to DSS about pattern etc and will see him through the week regardless. If it fails we'll both be upset and need time to talk about what's next, start stims straight away etc. if it's positive, we test again on Monday so anxious time anyway. DSS's mum is trouble, so if i'm off form DSS will generally tell his mum (if I go to bed etc) that will lead to lots of jibes and abuse (generally about my fertility etc) not keen on opening up myself to that.

That's great OP.
I really do have everything crossed for you.

Sounds like a sensible approach.

DSS will generally tell his mum (if I go to bed etc) that will lead to lots of jibes and abuse (generally about my fertility etc)

^ What a charmer she is! How are these jibes and abuse sent to you? Is it directly or via DSS? Either way your DH needs to put a stop to that.

I think you are totally in need of the quiet weekend and to have how you deal with the result private and not, as you mentioned, having tickle tackle going back to the ex. It’s private and you both deserve some time to process the outcome without having to shut yourself away. Truly wishing you the best of luck. Fertility is horrendous for anyone and don’t let anyone make you feel awkward for wanting to focus on what happens rather than having to stress about how to keep any emotional fallout private xxxx

Abuse comes generally to DH, pages and pages of it. Via, phone, text and email. Unfortunately he still needs to communicate with her. DSS will often ignore, not answer DH's messages so he has no other way of reaching DH.
I avoid most of it, but can tell when when DH is upset, so know when she's been having a red hot crack. But generally he's pretty good at ignoring her. But she'll push and push until she gets a rise.
I've blocked her, but she still messages old emails, work emails, work phone, old work phone numbers, best friend.
She even bumped into my BF and had a dig 'it's such a shame that my ex is too focused on the family he's clearly not meant to have with 'what' and not on his own child, it's just disgraceful really' - BF, no your disgraceful and walked off. She's now getting abuse. (DSS and her kids are mates)
Old boss forwarded her messages to me (she was messaging my old work phone)
DSS told me your in a foul mood, I am assuming you have your period again. Just because you can't have children, there is no reason to take it out on him. (I didn't have my period, I'd been on a 14km run in the heat and I'd gone to bed for a nap, woke up and asked the boys (DH and him) to tidy up as the kitchen was still a riot from lunch)

Fingers crossed for you OP. The waiting is horrible.
Your partner should be sorting things out to make them as stress-free for you at home as possible. He should manage the whole situation with his kids and ex - they are his responsibility.
DSS should not be talking to you like that.