His family are still in touch with his ex

[PastaCake]

I've tried to search to find a thread on this but I'm fairly new here so if anyone wants to point me in the right direction please do!

My partners sister and brother-in-law are still in touch with his DCs mother. Not just facebook friends, but they'll drive a couple of hours so the cousins can meet up. This is despite the fact we are nearer so it would be easier for them to come and meet up when the DCs are with us.

I have told my OH it's up to them if they want to meet up but he is concerned as he's spent the last 4-5 years getting the children used to the idea that their parents are no longer together and there's Daddy's family and Mummy's family.

Anyway, I guess I'd like to know what you think about this, do you think it's confusing for the children? Its affected my relationship with his sister as I feel I can't be as open about things in case it gets back to their mum but I can cope with that.

There is a delicate balance. It’s important that his family respect and support their brother / sons moving on, new partner and new set up. Sometimes there’s a tacit side taking which undermines his new relationship.

However it’s also nice to keep good relationships all around too if possible, including the ex.

I don't think it's wrong of them to stay in touch with her if that's what they want to do. However, I do think they should be seeing your dp's kids & having extended family time on HIS time.
My (ex) in-laws initially tried to get me to still go out to visit them with my kids for Sunday lunch. I said no; that Sunday lunch was when their grandkids should visit them with their dad & his partner on their dad's time as I felt for me to continue to do family stuff with them was both confusing for the kids & disrespectful to my ex's partner & their new family unit. I did however suggest meeting them for coffee or lunch by myself which I still do 9 years later.
The kids are older now & often make their own arrangements with their grandparents independent of their dad.

I wouldn’t dream of cutting out an xSIL for instance if their marriage to my DB broke up. They’re family for life.

However I did get a bit weary of MIL saying how much she liked xDIL and how social she was (dig, dig) or how she’d just walk into MIL house when we were there instead of knocking