Who should they RSVP to?

[Timeforanewusername]

I’ll try to give enough background as not to drop feed but not too much that it becomes long and boring!

DSS’s 10th birthday is coming up, his birthday is a Thursday and he’s with his DM and then Friday-Sunday he is with us (myself, his DD and DB). He has asked for a birthday party and we are more than happy to oblige. DM has never thrown a party for DSS despite promises over the years; I’m unaware of whether this is because of cost or hassle etc however has had small gatherings in local pub for family/friends and then a play on the park outside. We’ve never been invited and nor would we expect to be, birthdays are celebrated separately.

My question is... when sending out invites to children at school, who would be the RSVP? Myself or my husband?

My husband is amazing in many ways but parties and organisation are not his strong points. It would be me planning the party and ‘running the show’ on the day so to speak and therefore, it would make sense for people to contact me but as a parent at school, would you find that odd?

I feel I should add myself and DSS’s Mum are on friendly terms most of the time but amicable regardless so I don’t think she would bother either way, although you can never judge her mood on any particular day so who knows. She’s friends with DSS’s best friends Mum so will find out about the party as soon as invited go out (not that it’s a secret).

I’ve rambled a bit I’m sorry! Just wanted to cover as much as possible. Any help/advice is appreciated.

Just checking what the concern is, OP – that other parents at school might think it's weird if your name were beside the contact number for the party?

Judging from MN, people find all manner of things 'odd'. Let them – it makes them SO happy to have something to fuss about

Do whatever works best for you and your DP and DSS. Put both your DP and your names down if that takes some of the uncertainty off for you?

I’m not entirely sure to be honest I think because DM is friends with a few parents, I don’t want them thinking I’m trying to take over or play Mum if that makes sense?

Just wondering what others would think if they saw it...

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. TBH I'd assume you were mum if I didn't already know.
If you are trying to avoid a fallout then put his Dads name / number down.

Just put the phone number. No need for a name.

You could put the dads name but use your number. So RSVP to Tom at....your number. So at least you have all the info in one place.
When you say the dm will find out when invitations go out would it not be better for your dp to tell her beforehand. One reason she might be a bit upset would be being put on the back foot by her friend telling her something about her own child that she didn't know. Keep it all friendly.

Are you telling her or having your husband tell her before the invites go out- that you're having a party. I'd probably leave it ambiguous and only put a number if you think she'll cause issues with that.

I thought of the name and no number but then I also don’t want parents texting and thinking they’re texting Mum.

I’m sure DSS will have already told her we’ve agreed to a party as he was very excited - he’s had one before for his 5th birthday and she didn’t question it at all, just told him to have a nice time at pick up but he invited all his friends from our avenue and children of our friends so no school invites were sent.

I’m sure I’m massively over thinking it, it’s just that DM will he lovely to my face about it and no doubt bitch behind my back to school Mums. She quite often raves about me to my face and tells me she does so to others but then I’ve heard the whispers in the playground so you just never know with her.

If you're hosting you need to know so I'd put the Dad's name down and if it's not practical for him to take phone replies, your number

I would text/message mum and tell her about the party. I always find it odd when people say they have a reasonable relationship with the partners ex, but would then let them hear about things via a third party. The other reason I'd let mum know is because people might automatically rsvp to her if they are friends and have her number or see her at the school gates.

If mum is told in advance it won't matter who's name/number you put on the invite.

Put both yours and DP's

Sorry wrong button.

But both your names as in

Please RSVP in 07234 567890 to Matt and Sally

When I say we have a reasonable relationship I mean as long as we’re playing by her rules and doing everything she wants us to do, we’re all friends ... the minute we can’t adhere to her dictations, for example when she calls at 7am on a Saturday morning demanding DSS on DH’s day to take him to see her brother, all shit hits the fan.

Good thinking though that parents my automatically let her know ... but if she’s in one of her moods, I can guarantee that a parent would tell her and she wouldn’t bother to pass on the message whether she was pre-informed about the party or not.

Put down either number dad's name. I dont know half the parents names at DDs school so if it was a female name I would assume it was mum and might just let her know in person at drop off/pick up.
If you put the dad's name it's clear that it's him organising it and they'll know to message rather than just saying the next day when they do the school run.

Yes I think that’s the best bet as I think it’s quite clear at school that Mum & Dad aren’t together. I’ll have to remember not to automatically reply with kisses so Dad doesn’t look too friendly

RSVP to whoever is organising the party