Hi!
So me and my partner have only been together a year and have a 7 week old daughter. Very rushed and unexpected but there you go. He has 2 sons from a previous relationship. Age 3 & 2. Also rushed and unexpected. I have one son from my previous relationship age 2.
I have joint custody of my son his dad has him 3 nights a week and I have him 4. It works out really well.
From the start of our relationship he was having his sons the same nights so that he saw them just as often etc. (He wasn't seeing them at all before he met me as the girl who he was with beforehand wouldn't allow it and he just accepted that. So wrong I know!)
We have a pretty good routine where his children come over Tuesday and Thursdays for tea and Friday for over night and I look after them Saturday day. We can't do many over nights as my partner works 7 days a week and we are lucky if he gets a day off. But if he ever has a day off he always has the kids the night before and the day after no matter what.
I know guilt plays a massive part in his life because he's missed out on basically a year of his kids life but i know he doesn't feel the same about our daughter then his other 2 children. He talks about how much of a good dad he was. How much he helped out when his other 2 where our daughters age. I mean his ex even admitted it. But yet he doesn't seem to bother with our daughter at all. I have to ask him if he will feed her or change her nappy (even then he's reluctant or makes up an excuse) when she's screaming and I'm busy doing something. He doesn't pick her up; cuddle her, interact with her, take pictures of her. All the things he does and did with his 2 boys. He will come home from work and not even look at her. He tells me all the time how much he misses the boys (even if they have just gone home) but not once does he say he misses our daughter when he's not seen her the same amount of time as them. He never attempted to write down how he was feeling in our daughters record book. Yet he did with the boys.
When the boys are over all he cares about is them. ( I understand he doesn't see them everyday but surely he should care about his daughter too.)
I never treat our daughter any differently to what I treat my son. I never would dream of caring about one more than the other. Or giving one more attention than the other. I see both my children as equal.
I just wish he was the same with our daughter as he is with his other 2 children. As horrible as it may sound, I'm scared he loves them more than he loves her and right now she won't realise but as she grows up she will. I don't know what to do about that.
I am only young myself and taking on such a big responsibility has been challenging for me.
All I keep thinking is, if we split up would he give our daughter more attention? Would he want to see her? Would he miss her? Or would he just leave and not be apart of her life?