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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Benefits and 50/50 care

27 replies

user1473756940 · 03/01/2019 12:57

Just wondering if anyone has any help or ideas as how best to approach this situation from the side of all parties.

My DP has 50/50 care of his DDs, he also pays regular maintenance of £15 per week which is around the standard amount. When they are with us everything is covered for them being here, food clothes extras childcare afterschool clubs etc. They also agreed that he gets all the school uniform and shoes etc needed. Mum (DDs are 8&5) is a SAHM and had a partner that worked full time and supported their household. Me and DP both work full time and fund ours and my DD. All this has worked fine for years, maintenance and contact arrangements with only minor blips and is now a standard routine.

Mum has just split from her DP and now is being forced to start claiming full benefits for their household as breadwinner has gone. Fortunately, the house is rented in her name and is council/housing association.

She has asked if DP will drop his contact with DPs so that she is the clear main carer and so can claim full everything for the kids. Consequently and rightly this will increase his maintenance. Problem is, he doesn't want to reduce his contact, he likes having them as much as he does, the maintenance is neither here nor there and happy to up if necessary.

Does anyone have experience of claiming benefits and only 50% care of children? I mean she claims the child benefit for them so does it effect other benefits. I can see the motivation behind it but it seems a shame to cut contact with one parent for the sake of claiming benefits. I have suggested that he up maintenance anyway to plug the gap but still keep up contact but she wants to physically claim the benefits to be able to claim other things such as free school meals etc which again, valid point.

Would it be considered fraud if she claimed main carer but they still came to us 50% because that's what needs to be avoided I guess, we live in a relatively small community with a few nosey parkers.

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 03/01/2019 13:05

AS far as I know, the law doesn't care who claims it in these circumstances, it's usually privately arranged between the two parents. So she could in effect, put in the claims and get them with no problem.

FortunesFave · 03/01/2019 13:05

So your DH wouldn;t need to reduce contact and she could get benefits.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 03/01/2019 13:10

Is very simple. All your DP has to do is say he has reduced contact and confirm that she is the resident parent. Nothing actually needs to change.

Also, she isn’t claiming “full benefits”. No-own is eligible for “full benefits”. there are so many different ones and I-one can claim them all. she is claiming the benefits she is eligible for. Probably council tax belenfit, housing benefit and either income support or job seekers. Probably all rolled into one in the form of universal credit.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 03/01/2019 13:12

we live in a relatively small community with a few nosey parkers.

How would anyone know unless you told them?

Original poster
user1473756940 · 03/01/2019 13:13

That is as I thought, because when I have claimed any benefit in the past for my DD I can't remember having to say how many nights she stays with me, just that she lives there. Which they do, they have just have 2 homes.

Mum is the one who is concerned about fraud and also not being entitled to full amounts because of access arrangement. I know that things have changed a lot since I last claimed what with all the Universal Credit nonsense hence being unsure.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1473756940 · 03/01/2019 13:17

I of course meant the full benefits that she is entitled to.

And again Mum has voiced concerns over the neighbours and reporting. She lives on a small estate in our town, and assumes everyone has seen her DP move out. Its something I would have thought of, maybe her neighbours are awful, I don't know

OP posts:
Original poster
user1473756940 · 03/01/2019 13:17

*wouldn't of thought of

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 03/01/2019 13:19

People can only know what she tells them. An individuals Benefit entitlement isn’t published on Facebook. No-one but the relevant agency and her has to know unless she wants to share it.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 03/01/2019 17:46

This is a situation where both parents need to sit down with google and a calculator and work out how best to arrange things financially for both households so that the children are disadvantaged in neither and income from benefits is maximised for mum. I suspect if mum is claiming child benefit there will be no issue with her claiming residence but it is worth checking out - Citizen’s Advice, perhaps? It is obvious why she wants to do things legally - if 50/50 plus a benefits claim isn’t possible, your partner dropping just one night a fortnight would give her the majority care.

HeckyPeck · 03/01/2019 19:09

For benefits claims it only matters who claims child benefit, not how many nights etc so there’s no need to reduce contact.

She will be able to access all benefits she’s entitled to.

I certainly wouldn’t write a statement lying that contact has been reduced.

Fairylea · 03/01/2019 19:12

Does anyone need to know how many nights your dh has them? Has anyone ever asked?

None of the tax credits etc forms ever ask.

Original poster
user1473756940 · 03/01/2019 21:09

Well that's what I thought. I can't recall anything asking about nights they stay but I know things have changed. And as far as I am aware I think due to the kids ages she will have to be seeking work to a certain extent albeit within reasonable hours which I know is easier said than done. I know everything is a lot tighter and stricter than it was 10 years ago.

I think to a certain extent she is going to have to accept that life will be different financially as I think her ex partner was a reasonable earner. And my DP will of course ensure the kids are provided for. And part of that would be maintaining the shared care arrangement. We do pay for some childcare when they are with us as we both work full time so they go to after school care when we can't do pick ups. And DP has said we can up the days and pay for it if she was able to or needed to get a part time job.

I will try CAB because from what Mum said the DWP or job centre or whatever haven't been all that helpful

OP posts:
Stan18 · 04/01/2019 15:36

Hiya, we have a similar situation here.
Me and my OH have two daughters together (7 and 1) and he has a son from a previous relationship (10). Like you, we also support him when it comes to clothes, food, clubs, and he has his own room so has his own tv, Xbox etc. I work part time and OH works full time but on min wage (both of us).
His ex now doesn’t work, and he gives her maintenance monthly.
He works out the maintenance using the online calculator based on how many nights we have him (we have him 3 nights a week).
Not once has she said she needs him to write anything about how often the contact is, and because their sons main residence is with her (4 nights of the week) she is automatically seen as the ‘main carer’ and received the child benefit and child tax credit for him via UC.
She just needs to put in the claim as she would normally. She will be seen as the main carer, and they won’t require any further information than that, so won’t need to know how many nights she or you have them etc. It won’t reduce her benefits in any way regardless!

charlief85 · 17/01/2019 13:45

If she receives the child benefits then she is already considered many cater by the DSS. Dropping contact won't make a difference

SandyY2K · 17/01/2019 18:35

I wouldn't agree to less contact and I wouldn't be putting in writing that he has reduced contact. If she makes a false declaration...it's on her...and yes...it would be fraudulent.

I know your DP pays the stipulated amount...but its obvious another man was supporting his DC.

It's time his Ex got a job. The kids are in school now ... how long does she want to be on benefits for.

Giesabreak · 17/01/2019 19:24

Not the point I know, but she only had her kids half the week, yet let her partner who wasn't even their dad fund the entire household, bar the CM and CB? I can see why he may have chosen to leave.

Magda72 · 17/01/2019 20:20

As per the last two posts!
I'm wondering why this woman was/is being propped up by her partner & her ex. Can she not get a job?

Giesabreak · 17/01/2019 20:45

And DP has said we can up the days and pay for it if she was able to or needed to get a part time job.

And this isn't right either. She can claim help for childcare if she's working enough hours.

PoesyCherish · 18/01/2019 07:57

As long as she is claiming CB she will be entitled to the rest of it. Why on earth hasn't she had a job?!

AgentProvocateur · 18/01/2019 08:09

Mum has just split from her DP and now is being forced to start claiming full benefits for their household as breadwinner has gone.

Or she could look for a job. Hmm

shhhFFS · 18/01/2019 09:27

I do agree on the job front but that's not for me to say, that's down to her and at times it can be easier said than done. As far as I am aware, the benefits she will be claiming and as the kids are school age then she will be having to be seeking work to get said benefits.

For the record her ex was not paying for the kids. But he certainly covered their lifestyle which they had been come accustomed to. Which meant Mum not needing to work, being able to go on holidays and days out etc when the kids are with Mum. So I think its going to come as a bit of a shock.

For the time being we are keeping contact the same, Mum has applied for benefits that are available to her and my DP has upped maintenance

OopsInamechangedagain · 18/01/2019 11:37

The mum can already demonstrate she is primary carer by the fact she claims CB and your DP pays her maintenance. As others have said, no need to reduce contact. You just can't claim benefits for more than one household despite both households having equal amounts of contact.

Which address are the DCs registered at for school, doctors, dentist etc?

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 18/01/2019 11:43

Not the point of the thread I know but if it truly was 50/50 and he was covering uniforms etc then why was he paying maintenance as well? I mean if he doesn't mind I guess it's not a problem but it sounds like the mum was getting a pretty easy ride of it until recently.

PoesyCherish · 18/01/2019 12:01

I was wondering that too @Formerly. Why is the DP paying maintenance in a 50:50 situation?

OP have you had a name change fail?

shhhFFS · 18/01/2019 13:34

DP pays the maintenance that the online calculator advises and has just upped it as 1. it shouldn't cause us much of an issue as we have just had our own outgoings go down slightly and 2. he doesn't want kids to go without when at Mum's even though they are with us half the time.

'Easy rides', 'should get a job' etc I am staying well out of on MN and in real life. I will get hung drawn and quartered for such opinions.

What's a name change fail?