Son wants to call my partner Dad?

[beckylou123]

Me and my partner have only been together just over 4 months however my son has known him for a little under a year as my poor partner tried to persue me for that long and I rejected him repeatedly. Since just before christmas my son who is 7 repeatedly asked me if he can call my partner Dad which I’ve said not yet too as we’re still so early into the relationship and i didn’t really know what to say to my son. He does know his dad but does not see him often only when seeing his auntie (this is his fathers choice). My son then decided that after Christmas he could call my partner Dad and I said we’ll see thinking I can put it off further and he’d forget. But low and behold of course he rememebered and is again now asking that because it’s after Christmas can he call my partner Dad (funnily enough whilst writing this he came and asked) I replied I don’t know. I honestly don’t know how to tackle this with it being so early but I feel bad for saying no. Help?!

Jesus Christ, why does he even know your “partner” after 4 months?!

How long have you been living together? Why did your son even get to know a man who was romantically interested in you before the relationship started?

My DD is two in a month and I’ve started to introduce my partner to her. My DD has not seen her bio father since a few months before her first birthday as he turned out to be a dangerous and violent man! In my opinion I think if you’re living together as a family unit and both the child and new partner want to have that relationship then calling him daddy is only natural ? If my DD wants to call my partner daddy and he wants to be her father (Regardless of being not biological) then I’m happy for them both! It will give her normality and after what we went through in her early days and months she deserves the most normal and happy life I can possibly provide ! My partner is very serious and wants the same things as I do for our family. I know you can’t predict the future and you don’t know how things will play out but me and my partner have had the conversation where we’ve discussed if it didn’t go to plan for whatever reason would he still want the father daughter relationship to continue if it’s been a long time he’s been in her life and he has said he absolutely would ... So to me if this relationship is long term and eventually she starts to call him daddy then this person is her dad regardless what happens between me and him! I know some of you might not agree but that’s my stand on things

My daughter asked me out of the blue one day if she could call her step Dad Daddy. We had recently got married and I think she was conscious of having a different name. She has no contact with her father.

Why on earth do some people think its ok for kids to call a man who is not their father dad? Somehow I doubt many would think the same if the question was about calling a dads new female partner mother ...

In my opinion it doesn't matter if you've been together 4 months or 4 years, or if your son doesn't see his dad, the fact is that your partner is not his dad. I'm sorry for him because he clearly wants a dad, but that's life. I'm sure he has other things to be grateful over like a mum who cares and loves him etc. Perhaps your son thinks that calling your partner dad means their relationship is more special and that he is more loved?

I would kindly and age appropriately explain to him that your partner is not his dad so he should call him by his name/nickname and that whatever he calls your partner by doesn't have anything to do with how much your partner cares about him or your son's worth, the 2 are not related. He has a dad and that word is saved for him. Deadbeat or devoted - he is still the dad.

I grew up with a step father from the age of two, and called him daddy from an early age. Even as an adult I introduce both him and my genetic dad as "my father". I see them both as father figures, and love them both. Having said that, my 5 year old son has asked to call my partner Dad, and we explain that he has two dad's, his daddy and his step dad and it would be confusing if they were both called the same, so he mostly calls him by his first name. I can understand that he wants to make sense of his family, and the roles the parents in his life play, which is why he has been asking. It's tricky.

But your relationship is still very new, I would try and explain that your partner is your friend, and therefore your child's friend too at this point, not a parent. It could be really upsetting and confusing if things don't work out, it really is far too soon to consider your partner as your child's step parent even at this stage.

It's better to not muddy the waters so to speak and understand your son already has a dad; a new partner or step parent shouldn't be called dad.
Would you be happy if he called someone else mum?

I had this problem, not as soon as 4 months though. I have been slated to no end for it.

My DD started asking to call my (now) husband dad, especially when SDS's were visiting and obviously calling him dad. We told her no, she has a dad, never once encouraged it. Generally DD ignored us and would constantly slip into calling him dad when the boys were here, we would always correct her but it would make her angry.

Then we had a DS together so I also started referring to my him as dad. After we got married it became worse, she started calling him step-dad and saying "well he isn't, isn't he? so why can't I call him that?" After the birth of our 2nd DS, and our first DS was old enough to be calling him dad, my daughter would fly into a rage about being the only child of 5 not calling him dad.

After seeking professional advise I was told that it was extremely important for her to feel included and not like an outsider in her own home/family. Even I refer to him as dad... he's not my dad either but I call him dad all the time, he calls me mum too, its what parents with children do! Arguing with her was doing more damage and he is a father figure, he is her step-DAD. I backed down and stopped fighting with her / correcting her anymore.

I've had no end of abuse over it and so has DD, from her paternal relatives, poor girl, they tell her she is "betraying her dad". Not long ago I found out that dad had been trying to get DD to call one of his GF's mum, boy did he make a rod for his own back, DD's blasted him for bullying her over calling her step-dad dad when he'd tried to get her to call his GF mum.

Truly, my life feels like a bad episode of EastEnders :(

I never have agreed with calling other adults mum or dad. I think you have one mum and one dad and thats it, but that's just my opinion.
In any case, 4 .months in I wouldnt even have introduced my child to someone let alone be considering letting them call them dad.

Zombie from 2018