When do you have your sdcs over Xmas?

[fortyforty]

We've had no say in the matter.

He's coming tomorrow morning. Going home at some point on Xmas day. He then comes back Friday until New Year's Day night. We have him every new year.

He's 5. His mum isn't even bothered, this is what she wants to do. Great for dh but as a mother myself....I don't get it

My dh has his kids for 1 week, til next Friday. They always alternate between either having them

For Xmas
Or new year so. It's fair! Did she say why she just didn't want him ? Or was. Any of his time planned at yours at all ? Won't it be lovely for you all to spend Xmas eve together ,,

See it as wonderful opportunity rather than a chance to bitch about his ex

What is the normal arrangement OP?

Oh I've said it's lovely for us. I'm not for a second saying it won't be. But this was the same arrangement last year. The year before was similar too. I really was hoping me and dh could do something together this new year. It just frustrates me that what she says goes. And I just don't understand why she doesn't want the time with him. Its like she can't wait to hand him over to us. She was going to have him back Sunday night so she could wale up with him on Xmas eve but then she's decided she's not doing that anymore either

What is the normal arrangement? Like across the rest of the year. You haven’t said...?

Oh sorry didn't see your reply. It's eow and the occasional Sunday inbetween

My DHs Ex is exactly the same. She tells us what the holiday arrangements are. She decides which weeks in the summer holidays we are taking our annual leave too. For some reason she insists on a fortnight in the school summer holiday without her DCs. So we have to take our holiday on that fortnight too.

I don’t understand why, but DSCs are always welcome whatever their DM decides. Mine are nearly all grown up now so it’s not for much longer.

ExDP and his DW have our DDs from Friday to Christmas Day evening this year, and I’m having them over NYE.

We flip it every year. Discuss it around September in terms of actual dates and whether Xmas falls over a weekend or not (ExDP has EOW and one night a week and the odd Sunday).

My DP’s Ex is the same. She’s very self centered and insists she deserves a break (she doesn’t work so she has plenty of down time )
I love having the SCs so it’s not issue but to put into perspective, last year the kids were off school for Christmas for 17 days and saw them mum for Christmas Eve/ Christmas morning. That’s it.
I would be gutted if my kids were at their dad’s house all of the Christmas holiday I just don’t get why she isn’t bothered about spending time with them?

That's exactly it. It's not an issue him being here. I just don't get why she doesn't want him. He's 5, an age now when they understand everything. I can understand a mother compromising with the dad to make it fake for both parents. But this isn't the case here, it's what she wants to do. It will be lovely to have him for Xmas. But I won't lie, I'm pissed off about New Year's Eve.

Have you spoken to her? If you have him EOW weekend the rest of the year that is barely anything and maybe she’s just trying to give him more time with his dad over Christmas to compensate. I wouldn’t say she can’t be bothered cause she has him the majority of the time... and yeah maybe she does want the break cause parenting is hard especially on your own...

@Drawtheline14 unfortunately it could be the case she just isn’t bothered, I know in our situation it is.
My SCs had to beg to see their mum on mother’s day because it fell on our weekend to have them. We offered to swap, whatever she wanted, but instead she spared them 15 mins whilst we waited in the car outside and they literally talked to her whilst she was putting her make up on getting ready to go to the pub.
It’s so sad when parents can’t be arsed

Can you get a babysitter for NYE

There's a lot more to this tbh. She's introduced the latest bf to dss. and his kids (he has 3 to 3 different mothers). The last bf collected dss from our house in September. I remember it as it was my bday. The following week the split. She's moved straight onto the next, introduced him and 2 out of his 3 kids to dss. Youngest one is a baby.

He's with dss all the time and now does regular drop offs and collections when it's not dhs turn. She says she's doing it but it's always him. The ex has only known him 15 weeks at the most.

Dss is one very confused and angry little boy. And I really can see why. He is better off with us for Xmas but I really do hold a lot of anger myself towards this woman.

@fortyforty we could be talking about the same woman it’s uncanny 😱
I’ve been with DP for 4 years and in that time his Ex has had 3 boyfriends move into their home, the latest one has 3 kids to 3 different women and only sees one of them.
The kids hate him (particularly teenage SD) but she’s still with him because “Well don’t I deserve to be happy?!”
Yes you do love, but not at the expense of your kids’ happiness

Had this always been the arrangement, even before you got together? He has such little time with his dad- EOW and an occasional Sunday is nothing. I don't see the holiday split as that unreasonable. I can understand why you do- but you have 2 weekends every month to go out. The New Years and having a party I'd prioritise as lower than spending some time with my son when I usually see him so rarely.

@SD1978 listen my dcs have only seen their dad every other Sunday afternoon since October. I know it's little time. My dcs have it worse. He loved the other side of the country and they barely have a relationship with him.

You are missing the point of my post. It's about how she isn't bothered. Not about the time he is here

Have the same thoughts as you... My DPs ex rarely has the DSC over Christmas and New Year. From the minute they break up from school until they go back, they are practically at ours every day. I’m not complaining, as I love them being here, and spending time with them. But I also wonder why doesn’t the mother want them their for the festive period?
Her view (I think) is she has them the majority of the time, as we work full time. As we are off over Christmas, it’s her chance to have some time, and for DP to do some “full time parenting” as she once said.
We do alternate c.eve, but I think that’s purely for Facebook! As she loves having them wake up there, making a huge declaration to the world, come 10am they are ready to be collected, and the Christmas tipple is opened.

Ha! Same as OH’s ex. She only wants DSD for the ‘good bits.’

We were having her 4/5 nights a week until she decided she was moving away and taking DSD with her. We have her every weekend, bankholiday and 90% of every school holiday. She’s gone 4 weeks without seeing or speaking to DSD before which would kill me off TBH.

We have alternative chrismas’ now.

She was getting OH to drive a three hour round trip on Xmas day and it just wasn’t fair at all so we put our foot down and said alternative chrismas’ which she agreed to.

Something that makes me laugh is that when it’s her time to have DSD on Christmas Day, she’s ringing the day after for us to go over and pick her up but when we’ve got DSD for Christmas, she’s in absolutely no rush to get her back. We’re having her until Saturday the 5th of January!

So as it turns out....she spent Xmas with the new bf and one of his kids at her house. The child slept in dss bed. She took forever to answer a FaceTime (dss wanted to show her what he got) and when she did, she put bfs ds on straight away. Just don't get it at all.

We have residence, this year Mammy her from Christmas Eve until 30th we get New Year except Mammy couldn't organise her work schedule so we had her back for Boxing Day and returning on the 29th.
Mammy then wants her back for two days in January to make up for the time she missed personally I think she's being cheeky af.