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Step-parenting

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Another Christmas without them

12 replies

Louw12345 · 19/12/2018 22:46

My partners ex has stopping him from seeing the kids again. This is because she wanted to pick them up at 1pm instead of 5pm.
He travelled twice to pick them up (3 hours each time) for her not to be in the first time. The 2nd time for the kids not to be there and she told him he won't be seeing them again etc.
It's been couple of weeks now and with the build up to Christmas I know it's bothering him. My children and I are missing them like crazy to.
My daughter had a draw a family picture and she drew me my partner and her. I seen his face it was excited but also sad if you get me.
I feel like he's putting on a show and I try and talk to him but I think it upsets him too much.
She changed her number but rang him today then blocked him. I'm unsure what's up with her but why drag the kids into it.

He's saving for court in the new year but has to have a form which needs to be filed in by child mediation. They want £100 for another meeting then £180 to fill the form in. Then family court want £220. It's alot of money to just find. It's so sad that he may be saving for ages and I worry the longer it gos on the harder it will be for him to see his kids

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 19/12/2018 23:42

How old are the kids? What are their relationship with you and your dd like? I ask because it’s possible this is being instigated by them and mum is trying to give them want they think they want. Kids who are suspiciously ‘good’ for their nrp may often be the most likely to do this. I suggest your DP rather than picking them up, talks with ex to suggest a local (to the kids) day-trip outing once a week. Yes it’s a 3 hour drive, yes it will be painful, but if he’s able to see the kids without disrupting their daily lives it might make them more amenable to him.

Louw12345 · 20/12/2018 00:18

7 and 6. Never had a problem used to see their dad every week me ever over week, when it was tile for them to go home they disnt want to. She's moved wasn't happy access had to go to every over week due to cost etc and now nothing at all. She isn't the nicest person. Stops and starts contact all the time. The kids and I get on always have and so do my kiss with them. Since the move his son told him it's my fault they live so for away, to he asked why is it her fault and he said mum said it her fault we live so far away.
My partner would go to the ends of the earth for them but mum doesn't want that.

She's said no to access letter, no to mediation and laughed at him when he mentioned court.

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 20/12/2018 01:36

Ok so the day trip (or maybe staying in a hotel or hostel for his access weekend) might be a good idea. It needs to occur every weekend he has access and he needs to knock on the door earlier. In the meantime, yes contact a solicitor, get legally mandated contact and return to the solicitor everytime she stops communicating.

Shriek · 20/12/2018 01:55

Another perspective. I had a ex do this, he would turn up and demand to see the DC and be all 'dog in a manger' if his entitled arae didn't get his abusive way.

To his gf I am a witch from hell, but he works hard to keep us apart, and my DC blame his gf for everything as he goes round saying its her fault!!!

Have you spoken to his ex? How long have you known him? Most women really do want their DC to have quality time with their df.

Why did they split up did he say?

Louw12345 · 20/12/2018 07:04

They was on and off for 4 years she cheated 3 times the last time was enough he left. We have been together for over 2 years now. ( we did everything she asked when she first found out about me, I met her, we told her when I would meet the kids (then they didn't come that day) she knows where I live. Knew when they was letting my kids etc.

He would never turn up has always text to make sure he's having them until she moved, he wrote a a letter for access ie his weekends birthdays a phone call during the week Christmas etc. She said everything was ok but sent it back unsigned.

Was At his mum's kicking off 2 weeks after the move saying he needs to do pick up and drop offs every week. But he couldn't afford it. He stopped doing over time Friday to pick them up at 4 to be able to get them home at a reasonable time for tea.

When she lives closer he used to pick them up at 6ish they had no tea, she said it's his time he should sort it.

Ex does not like to communicate we us. The only time I have text her was at last Christmas when I asked her not to said threats to my house (she said he could have the kids till 5pm Xmas eve but text at 12 saying she's on her way with family if she has to). My partner has never not given his children back. She moans he has no time for them but she wants to cut the time short.

When she got into a relationship things began to get better, but now she's moves in with him she's changed again.

Tbh I would love it for the kids if everything would just be ok not best mates but when it comes to the kids have the same understanding.

I don't communicate with my ex however we have our days etc sorted so no real need to.

OP posts:
stuffedpeppers · 20/12/2018 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Louw12345 · 20/12/2018 18:52

I'm sorry you think it's utter tripe.

OP posts:
posthistoricmonsters · 20/12/2018 19:20

What's wrong with what the OP posted?

Lookatyourwatchnow · 20/12/2018 19:26

I'm trying to figure out if this is lovelife12345 with another new username...

Youbrokemytwatometer · 20/12/2018 20:18

This isn't the same poster.

stuffedpeppers · 21/12/2018 17:11

the english, grammar and tale of woe is.

Saving court the long drives

Mum involved - drives

stokieginge · 22/12/2018 07:45

@stuffedpeppers this kids are different ages. So unless she changed it up in an attempt to go unnoticed it's not our friend - the use of 12345 has got me wondering though

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